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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Oyst26 on 2023-09-13 16:38:48.

First things first on mobile, so formatting may be a bit off and this will be a long one.

Last night my boyfriend said something that is really hurting me and I don’t know what to do. I am hoping that it is because tensions were high and we can talk about it tonight, but I wanted advice here first (even though I feel like I know what people will say).

We got to talking about how a mutual friend of ours got rejected by a person that he was going out with. Mutual friend won’t really let it go, and he’s trying to still be friends with her all while giving subtle hints that he still is interested. We both agreed that it was creepy/cringey and he should just accept that he was rejected. What happened after though is where things took a turn.

My boyfriend then said the golden line that it seems every man says: “single men and women can’t be friends anyway. It’s unrealistic for them to be just friends” Uhhhh what?? I have never, after two years of being together, heard him say anything like this.

Thinking it was maybe just odd wording I said “why only single men?” Of course the answer was basic biology and I responded with if that is actually true (it’s not), biology doesn’t change once a man gets into a relationship. He said it’s different in that instance because once a man is in a relationship that a friendship with a woman becomes pointless.

That word pointless really REALLY struck a nerve in me and I pressed it. Honestly, thinking back, probably too hard but I wanted to know.

I said “so a friendship with a woman to you is pointless. Why?” He danced around it of course and I said “it’s because you can’t have sex with them right?” That is the point where I definitely overstepped and he got very defensive. I definitely didn’t accuse him of cheating (I don’t think at least) but at the same time why else would a friendship with a woman be pointless to him!!

He did admit that yes he didn’t want to tempt anything by being in close proximity and that I should be relieved that he’s so loyal because of that reason he doesn’t seek out friendships with women. To me, it makes me feel even worse!!

I feel like it’s inevitable/impossible to avoid the opposite gender in workplaces/school/life in general. I feel like if he’s on a project or working with women that he’s going to catch feelings and cheat! He pretty much did admit it!

What do I do? What do I say? Am I wrong? I feel like I’m going crazy by being bothered by this. I don’t want to break up since we live together and our lives are so entangled. He’s right in a way I guess? If he TRULY believes in this then he is being loyal by avoiding women altogether, but wow it still bothers me.

TLDR; Boyfriend called friendships with women pointless. After pressing he admitted that it’s because he’s worried he would be tempted to cheat on me. Very unsure how to feel.