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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LoveofBooks_03 on 2023-09-14 06:11:19.

This is definitely one of the weirdest situations I’ve ever been in, so let me explain.

I (20F) was adopted at infancy. What this means - at least in my case - was that I was put up for adoption before I was born. My birth-mother chose my parents several months in advance, and when I left the hospital, I went home with them. My parents (69F and 56M) are the only parents I’ve ever known, but I’ve known that I was adopted since the age of 3. I’m open to talking about it but it’s never been something that I’ve considered a bad or negative part of my personal history. I know my parents love me and that’s all I’ve ever needed to know.

I guess the situation in question came from my confidence in my adoption? I don’t really know what else to call it.

My friends and I are all 18-20 and all sophomores in college. We joke around a lot, and while this does include some darker topics, we’re all pretty close so it’s never been an issue until now. A few nights ago, we were joking about our parents and our respective family vacations at dinner and I said something like: “I was kinda surprised how long it took for my dad to notice our suitcases. It was like watching them to have me, but at least we didn’t have to wait 9 months.” Everyone laughed except one guy, “Carter,” who asked, “what do you know about waiting 9 months for a baby, OP? You’re adopted!” I just said, “at least I know my parents wanted me.” I then reached for my water and everyone else laughed again, but Carter rolled his eyes and stayed silent until he left. He later texted me and said there was no reason for me to “weaponize my adoption.”

My parents and I use the words “get” and “have” interchangeably when it comes to the creation of our trio, and as all my friends know it, I was surprised with Carter’s comment. But now, based on how quiet he was until he left, I worry I went too far. Am I the asshole?

TL/DR: a friend made a comment about my adoption, I made a joke, and I think I offended him because he’s now saying I “weaponized” it.