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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Unable_Influence3547 on 2023-09-14 17:22:50.

I (42f) am a stepmom of two kids; Emma (16f) and Luke (15m) and a mom to my son Dex (6m). I have been in a relationship with my husband for 11 years and we have been married for 9 years. My stepkids are in our house every other week and with their mom every other week. The relationship with my stepkids is okay. Not perfect but not totally awful. They have always kept some walls up between me and them and my family and them. Polite and they’ll talk friendly enough. But they don’t want to be a part of family things with us either.

My mom has this cookbook that has been used by four generations of the family now. My grandma started it with her and her kids and then my mom got it and shared it with me and my siblings and now she shares it with her grandkids. Emma and Luke were offered to take part multiple times and they have always said they weren’t interested. My mom was a little upset but understood that they might not be totally okay with that idea and she has left it open for them to change their minds.

Last year Dex took part in the tradition for the first time with mom and I. My stepkids did not want to join us so we didn’t force it. Dex regularly now cooks recipes from it with my mom (and sometimes me too). He loves it. He wants to add another recipe when he’s older, something we’ve all done.

The topic came up while my ILs were around and Dex was telling them all about it. He mentioned how much he loves being part of it and he loves cooking and baking. My ILs asked if Emma and Luke had ever been a part of it and we said no, they hadn’t wanted to be. They asked why not and we said they didn’t seem the most comfortable with fully integrating like that as to be part of something that is a family tradition on my side but it will always be open for them to change their mind. They said we should have waited for them to include Dex and how my family and I have shown we don’t care if they’re involved or not. I told them they might never change their minds. They said I have made it so they won’t now. They know my bio kid is more wanted by my family. I said that’s unfair. They have been offered the chance many times and Dex shouldn’t have to miss out because his siblings say no.

They said that’s my role as a mom of three instead of a mom of one. I told them I would not make my son miss out just because my stepkids said no. They said that’s why I’m wrong and why I am proving to be a poor parent to the non-bio kids that I have. My husband told them to leave and said they were wrong. But they insisted it was me who was wrong here.

AITA?