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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/cantbabysitaita on 2023-09-14 20:48:57.

My husband (36M) and I (33F) have 2 kids, a 2-year-old and a 5-month infant. We are still adjusting to life with 2 kids and are constantly sleep deprived due to feeding the infant at night and the 2-year-old going through a sleep-regression. I just went back to work about 6-weeks ago and everything in our lives is pretty chaotic right now but we are doing our best to hold it together.

My husband’s older brother (39M) and his wife (40F) have a 4-year-old son. We are pretty close to them and get along with them really well. They’ve helped us with babysitting our 2-year-old a handful of times in the past year or so when we need it, but only one overnight when my husband and I had a wedding to attend when I was still pregnant with #2. Our 2-year-old loves his cousin and will follow him everywhere when they are together, it’s pretty cute.

A couple days ago, my BIL’s wife called me and asked if there’s any way we could watch their son this coming Saturday because they are attending a concert out of town. She said she knows it’s short notice, but their scheduled babysitter had to back out due to illness and now they’re scrambling to find a replacement. She said they’ve tried a few other options but no one can help and we were their last option.

I told her I would have to talk with my husband first. When we talked about it, we both agreed that with how tired we already are, adding a 3rd kid to the mix, even for one night, is asking a lot from us and we don’t feel comfortable doing it. I sent my BIL’s wife a text outlining our position and politely telling her we can’t do it. All I got as a response was an “OK.”

Not even an hour later though, my BIL sent my husband a long text detailing every single time they babysat for us. He either has a very good memory or he was keeping track on a spreadsheet lol. BIL said that this is the first time they have ever asked us to babysit and the fact we are not willing to help them out speaks volumes. BIL said that next time we need a sitter to not even bother asking them unless it’s a literal life or death emergency.

My husband showed me the text because he didn’t know how to respond to it. I told him they are probably just frustrated and lashing out and there’s no need to engage any further. We have legitimate reasons for not being able to help and it’s not our fault that they are salty about it.

However, BIL’s guilt trip seemed to work a bit on my husband and he tried to convince me that we can probably make it work to help them for just one night. I told him we are both already short on sleep and energy and I don’t have it in me to chase a 4-year-old around or deal with any issues that he might have staying in a new place for the first time.

I told that BIL and his wife will figure it out and even if they don’t, missing a concert isn’t the end of the world and they can probably even sell their tickets still if they try.