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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/derpypets_bethebest on 2023-09-15 01:17:58.

TL/DR: My (25F) boyfriend (25M) has a family friend (50sF) who sleeps in his bed, walks around in her bra, and watches us cuddle. His mother just passed. Now 50sF says she considers herself his “mother” and is trying to ice me out. AITA?

We’ve been dating for 1y +. Three months in, his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He had to move home several states away. I moved out (at his request) for 3 months (got my own place). His mom and I got along amazingly, she even left family jewelry to me in her will.

He’d told me about his friend (25F) who’d had a crush on him in high school- fine. He also told me that he’d stayed at her apartment for a night when he’d gotten there- also fine. But things got weird when I met her mom…

We went over to hers for dinner, and she and her mom only talked about how close he was to them. They told me that when he’d gone over to 25F’s house, he’d stripped down to his undies so she could do his laundry, and that she did his hair. (He’d never mentioned this.) They have a special nickname for him and tease me for not using it. The daughter even went upstairs to change into the same outfit I was wearing.

The mom was even more possessive. For months now, she’s iced me out over and over…I didn’t hear from him for 2 days and later found out she’d taken him on a trip to NY. When he moved back, the mom flew in to help and asked him to stay in her hotel room for the night. (He could have stayed at mine.)

I asked “one bed or two?” He said my suggestion was gross, she’s like a mom to him.

She keeps crossing boundaries- she takes sips of his drink at dinner. When I take a bite of his food, she immediately asks him to “make her a bite.” This summer, they insisted that they all take a vacation together- I wasn’t invited.

A few days ago his mother passed. He decided to stay in his condo alone for the night. 50sF flew in at 1 AM and went straight to his condo. There’s no couch and it’s a 1 bedroom. She slept in his bed for two days.

I was shocked but I didn’t say anything, this is NOT the time- he can barely talk and is processing his grief. But I was so appalled and insulted. She also told me not to come over to check on him. She even asked me to drive her around and run errands for her. I ignored that and went over.

Every time I tried to get close to him, cuddle in his bed, sit next to him, she took my place or made him move. Then she got ice cream on her shirt, and she took it off in the living room(!) As I was laying next to him, she hovered over us.

His uncle and grandparents seem to have an issue with her too. He told me that she and his family were “fighting over him.”

He never stops her from crossing the line. He needs to solve that, or I need to eventually walk away because I can’t feel like an intruder in my own partnership forever. WIBTA to ask for some boundaries here? Or am I being jealous and controlling?