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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Relevant_Valuable592 on 2023-09-15 02:10:54.

My (f/28) brother (tom/37) has two kids from his first marriage, me and my brother get along well, the kids love me and I love them. The problem is my brother’s new wife kate (28). They got married last year and I was happy about them, I really liked kate as we are same age and could relate to many things, until I realised she despises me and bad mouths me to our friends.

After confronting kate about why she dislikes me she said that it’s because I keep in touch with tom’s ex-wife luana. The two of them divorced on good terms and has 50/50 custody of their kids, I still meet up with luana occasionally to plan things for the kids’ birthdays and holidays - as luana and the kids are my family.

kate complained about it to tom, to which he said he can’t tell me what to do with my friendship with luana. Since then kate has done everything in her power to prevent me from meeting tom and his kids, i can only see them when they’re staying with luana.

We have a tradition of family vacation each may, tom was invited to come with kate and they did. Kate knows I’m allergic to pineapple, but she still mixed the cocktails with pineapple juice. She said it’s orange juice so I took a sip and immediately felt how it burned down my throat. I ended up in hospital getting a drip and holidays being cut short because of that. Kate claims she didn’t knew I was allergic to anything and that she genuinely thought it’s orange juice but i beg to differ. My mom and tom are on her side however, saying it was a genuine mistake. I only drank it in the first place, because i could have never thought that she will try to kill me.

A couple of weeks ago i found kate parked in my driveway, she gave me an earful about how awful of a person i am for not accepting her into the family fully. I told her i did when we first met, but i don’t see her as family anymore after how she treated me and she went hysterical so i had to call tom to pick her up.

I’m getting married in December and my fiancé hates kate for what she did to me, so we decided it’s the best thing to not invite her at all. My mom called me and told me to grow up after she found out kate isn’t invited. Tom begged me to invite her too as he doesn’t want to come if kate isn’t going. He said I’m straining his new marriage and i do feel really bad about it.

Kate came over to me after getting the invitation and realising she wasn’t there and called me and my fiancé a “couple of assholes”. She said how i should understand her better and love her more and cried but I couldn’t bring myself to feel one bit sorry.

I told them it’s OUR wedding and we get to decide who is invited and who’s not, my fiancé is 100% with me on this but after being bombarded with calls from mom, tom, kate and our friends for a few days now I’m starting to overthink.

Am I really the asshole because i don’t want kate to be around me on my wedding?