This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway-just2vent on 2023-09-15 04:10:11.

My fiancé (24M) and I (24F) are getting married in a few months. Recently my fiancé came to town to finalize his outfits for the wedding and his brother and brothers wife (we’ll call her C) came along with him.

I attended BIL and C’s wedding years prior but had never really talked to C properly. I had tried to but she never reciprocated any conversation and would usually refrain to ignoring me, yet I still kept my feelings towards her amicable.

Returning to the situation, we all reached the store and everything was going smoothly at first. Me, my fiancé and BIL were all actively discussing different looks that suited my fiancé while C was busy on her phone/talking on the phone the entire time. My BIL told me she was looking at different dresses to wear at the functions and in an attempt to make conversation, I asked her what her choices were. She ignored me and would only show her husband (my BIL). I brushed it off because I wasn’t about to call her out when it didn’t really bother me that much— I was used to her ignoring me. When my fiancés outfits were decided, we moved to the lady’s section because C was ready to order her dresses. Again, I minded my business and let her do her thing. As she was discussing the dress I overheard her say it was red. In my culture, it is pretty much known that you don’t wear red on the wedding day because that’s typically what the bride wears (same thing as not wearing white to a wedding). I looked over to my fiancé and he was just as confused as I was. He told his brother that I was wearing red that day, with him telling C as well. I thought maybe she understood and walked away expecting her to choose a different color, only for her to choose red again. At that point I was just shocked at what was going on. I’ve never held any ill will towards her so I wasn’t sure where all this hostility was coming from. Before I could speak up, my fiancé stepped in again to remind her that my dress is red. You could cut the tension in the air but finally she decided on a different color and we finally left.

After shopping, I had planned for us to have dinner before they left as a little treat for them coming this far. Unfortunately, even though I tried to keep dinner easy going it was just very awkward. C did not eat anything at all and was absent half of the time to talk on the phone. After dinner, my fiancé and BIL said their goodbyes to me. C did not say anything, walked to their car and sat inside. My BIL gave me an apologetic expression and my fiancé told me to just ignore her.

I went home very upset. I wasn’t aware me simply requesting to change the dress color was that unacceptable.

A few hours later, I messaged my fiancé asking if they reached safety and he told me that upon reaching C flipped out and broke the TV, saying “how could I tell her what color she can’t wear?!”… I just wanted my wedding to go smoothly but now I’m not sure what to expect.

(And no, I didn’t wear the same color as her during her wedding so it couldn’t possibly be some personal vendetta)

Just to clear some things up (Edit):

  • We’re all South Asian so SIL is not racist.
  • She lives in fiancé and BILs family home (joint living… where I too will be living for some time ((yay))…).
  • I couldn’t possibly say if she’s abusive to her husband or not as I’ve never had that conversation with BIL before nor is it my place to do so (I can only hope he talks to someone about it if she is abusing him).
  • I can’t not invite her to the wedding as she isn’t like this in front of everyone and she would make some story about how I’m at fault.