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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WeakAd4367 on 2023-09-15 07:45:03.

My fiancé and I are engaged! Our wedding will be in the Catholic Church and it’s very important for us to plan our wedding date around the availability of the church and the priest’s schedule. After a lot of communication with the local parish and priest (and consideration of the schedule of our families, extended families, and friends that’ll be traveling from far), we’ve locked down 19 Jan as the date of our wedding.

We then told our respective families of the decision that we’ve made and wanted to start planning travel itineraries. One thing I’ve not mentioned is that I’m from Malaysia and my fiancé is from New Zealand where we both met and is residing in. We both decided that we’ll be having our wedding in Malaysia as I have a very big family there and my fiancé’s extended family that he’d like to invite are mostly in Singapore. His parents and older sister is currently living in NZ and is happy to travel to Malaysia for the wedding as they can also visit relatives in Singapore whom they missed.

Now when my fiancé announced our wedding date to his family, we did it through video-call as we’re not based in the same area. His parents, older sister, twin brother (Alex) and twin’s wife-to-be was in the call. The moment we announced our date, everyone was overjoyed EXCEPT for the Alex’s wife-to-be (Lucy). She yelled out “WHAT?! THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED BEFORE US?!” and my fiancé and I just looked at each other in shock. They then left the call abruptly. An hour later, Alex texted him saying that Lucy is very upset and they think that our wedding is going to overshadow theirs. Alex also mentioned that Lucy said there’s a thing in her culture where 2 weddings within the same family cannot be within 3 months of each other or it’ll bring bad luck to the second couple. We later found out this was just a lie. They’re also angry at us for not discussing our wedding date with them first before announcing it to the family. Do we need their permission to get married on our special day? They also told us to change our wedding date in order to let them get married first before us. So we stood our ground and said no to date changing and told them that they’re being unreasonable.

A lil about Lucy and the Alex. They’ve had their civil union in Lucy’s country in early 2022, so legally they are married. However, there were some dodgy stuff happening BTS. For example, they didn’t tell us at all about them deciding to get married until 2-3 weeks before it happened. When they did tell us about it, family members were curious and wanted to be involved but Lucy was not happy for them to be involved. She only wanted her family in it. Sadly my future-in-laws are upset. So Lucy and Alex wanted to do a church wedding in NZ now but haven’t decided what to do and as you have guessed, no one knows what’s happening on their end. They’re being secretive and yet angry at us for not discussing our wedding date with them.

There’s more to this but AITA for defending our marriage?