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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/just_a_ghost155 on 2023-09-15 11:07:54.

[TW for: violence and rape]

I’m writing this in hope of having a sincere conversation with no kink shaming and trying to analyze ourselves.

I heard in a podcast once a girl saying this might be because in media, lots of times, women who are sexy and hot are the ones at the receiving end of sexual violence. I’m inclined to agree with that.

Lately I’ve been discovering a disturbing side of myself. I’ve always been a bottom and into bdsm but now I have a boyfriend that is physically way stronger than me. Like he could absolutely force me to do anything with just his strength and I wouldn’t be able to stop him. That’s a thought that turns me on. Maybe it is because I know he’s such a good person and would never hurt me. He’s even a little scared to be violent or rude to me. Like I ask him to say insulting and degrading things to me, and he refuses because he loves me too much and would be sad if he said that stuff to me. It also took me a lot of time to get him to slap me and even now he doesn’t do it that hard.

A couple of days ago I asked him to pin me down with all his strength while I try to free myself. I couldn’t, even using my whole strength. It wasn’t anything sexual but just the fact that I couldn’t beat him… that he could kill me with his hands if he wanted to turned me on a lot. That disturbed me.

I consider myself a feminist so this gives me so much cognitive dissonance. So I’m trying to find an explanation. Why are some women turned on by this stuff? Being raped or physically hurt? Why are these women sometimes feminists even?

I would appreciate your thoughts very much.