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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Own-Dig4891 on 2023-09-15 14:54:53.
I (F35) was married to my ex husband for 5 years and have two kids with him ( M6, F4). We divorced two years ago when I found out he had another kid before we met and is a deadbeat dad to that kid. The fact he hid it from me for 7 years we were together just made it worse. I knew it only when he was sued for child support.
When we divorced, I used that information and the fact kids are too young to get full custody. He has visitation rights contingent on child support.
I don’t really need the money. I am in a high income profession and my parents are quite wealthy too. Airtight prenup meant he got nothing in the divorce. He works as a teacher and it doesn’t pay much.
He owed quite a lot to the other kid ( current CS + backpay installments ) and this eats up most of his income. He doesn’t own home and living expense here is very high. Basically he hasn’t paid child support for over a year now and as per court order has no visitation rights.
I wouldn’t have minded him visiting kids still, but he asks me for money to hang out with kids. I used to give him to preserve the relationship with kids atleast. But it came to a point he was stealing from me, as in he would ask 100 bucks but spent 20 on kids max. He started doing this almost regularly and when confronted he accused me of leaving him homeless and penniless in divorce, hence I owed it to him anyway.
As much as I want my kids to still have dad, I was tired of taken advantage of. I stopped giving him money. He couldn’t take kids out anymore. Kids missed him but I refused to budge on this. When they asked me I called him to speak to them. His family and friends started accusing me of driving a wedge between him and kids so I told them the truth. That I never stopped him, but stopped funding it.
He is calling me AH for refusing to help him, ruining his relationship with kids and humiliating him in front of family and friends.
AITA?