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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cultural-Depth1061 on 2023-09-15 12:59:24.

My mom initially told me she would be willing to pay for my wedding. She discussed contributing the same amount she did for my brothers wedding. Recently though, she was pushing me to ask my dad (they’re divorced) how much he was willing to pay. She even told me to tell him that she would match however much he wanted to contribute.

I was nervous to ask my dad about money because I haven’t grown up with him really and always feel guilty asking for money. My mom continued to push me. So when I called my dad and his wife were on the phone and gave me a large number they’d contribute and said if I needed anything past that they’d for sure want to help. They kept asking if the amount they gave was enough and asked if my mom was going to help pay. I told them yes because she said she was.

I tell my mom about our conversation and she is overjoyed. I assumed she was happy for me because I had some money towards the wedding fund and therefore didn’t have to stress so much about pricing.

Well she tells me the other day that she assumed that my dad was paying for everything. She seemed very disappointed that wasn’t the outcome of the convo. When I said that I told him she would match him she goes “no way am I matching that”. Then she plunged into this spiel that he should actually pay for it because she has done so much over the years for me. Yet, my dad payed for college and paid his child support. I am 32 and haven’t needed financial help from my mom since I was 22 living on my own.

Now, my mom wants to call my dad directly after telling me over and over that I really need to call him and ask about how much money he would contribute. She knows I hate doing this because I have hated it for years. I always had to call about my tuition payments and any costs they would split. I am nervous as to why she wants to call him all the sudden. Should she not just be happy he is willing to give me so much? I can tell her to not call him

I don’t care about the amount of money my mom wants to give. I just am hurt by the fact she is phrasing it in such a shitty way. It’s just nice when my dad and stepmom and even my fiancées mom keep telling us that they want us to have the best wedding that we want and that they’re there to help us out. It’s just the thought that counts. I am by no means an extravagant person and wouldn’t want to waste anyone’s money. All of our families are very well off. Plus all my siblings had extravagant weddings

We also all discussed the option of having everyone contribute to a joint bank account and whatever money we don’t use for the wedding we can use to hopefully get a house.

I believe that she now knows that he is going to pay a ton it’ll cover the wedding so therefore she doesn’t need to help. I don’t care about the money I care about her not even caring to try and contribute. Every other parent says they want us to have the best wedding that we want whereas she is constantly telling me “that’s too expensive, that’s too much, wedding days aren’t even important cause it’s only one day” and I’m trying to plan a wedding of less than 10,000 dollars which is frustratingly difficult due to where we live.