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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Ok-Durian2546 on 2023-09-16 18:09:29.

I really need a place to air out what I am going through and hopefully get advice about how to move forward. My boyfriend and I got into an argument this morning and I have been crying for hours… I really can’t tell if I am being overdramatic or if I have a right to feel this way.

Lately, when my boyfriend wakes up, I feel like the first thing he says to me is always some form of criticism or a comment about something I did wrong… even over the stupidest things. For example, this morning, I woke up really early and made myself a pot of coffee. I didn’t make my bf any because he explicitly asked me yesterday to stop making him coffee when I get up because it is cold by the time he gets up to drink it and doesn’t like to waste it (during the week, my bf works night shifts and usually gets up around 10 am while I usually get up around 6). Well, this morning he got up way earlier than he normally does. The first thing he says to me is “did you make enough coffee for me?” I told him no, because I thought he was going to sleep in but I would put on another pot for him and he just snapped “well I’m here with you so I don’t know why you wouldn’t have made enough for me”. This comment really upset me because he had such a bad attitude, but I tried to just move on… I made him his coffee and got in the shower. When I got out of the shower he immediately started grilling me about where his phone charger went… I told him I didn’t know where it was but I would look for it and he says “well I just find it hard to believe you don’t know where it is when you had it last” and I was just so taken aback by his tone. He was just talking to me like I was stupid and when I told him that I really needed him to stop with the attitude and his tone this morning, he started telling me that I was the problem because I am too defensive. After this, I just went to my room and cried for like an hour because I am just so exhausted by constantly being told every morning that I am doing something wrong.

And this really does happen every morning. It’s always some iteration of “why didn’t you do this” or “did you even take care of that”. I have tried to tell him that when he says stuff like that to me it really upsets me but he just tells me I am being too defensive. It just sucks because it makes me feel so belittled and small… especially when if he would just ask me to do things kindly, I would be more than happy to do it. I feel like I can’t even talk to him about it because all he does is stonewall me and just says “sorry” before asking if I can move on and get over it.

I know these arguments sound trivial, so am I just being overdramatic?