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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/coachsnail on 2023-09-16 19:03:47.

I (27F) have been with my partner (33M) for over a year. My partner plays video games every single day, and when he is not at his computer, he is on his phone in his gaming chats. He often games into the early hours of the morning and is tired all the next day. His apartment is messy and his fridge is usually empty-I’m pretty sure he lives on takeout.

He still makes time for me. We usually hang out Wednesday night, we spend the day together Saturday, and then Sunday night. But in between those times…silence. I have a LOT of hobbies- I teach yoga, rock climb, hike, surf, read, learn new languages, etc, but nothing sucks the time away like video games do. I felt so lonely. I found myself jealous of all my friends who started unofficially living with their partners after 6 months. After months of feeling neglected, I finally grew a spine and told him how I felt. We’ve compromised by spending a little time talking on the phone on the days we don’t see each other. I was happy with this for awhile.

But now, we are planning on moving in together next year and I’m getting nervous again. Do I want to be in a relationship where I spend 4/5 weeknights mostly by myself and going to bed alone because he is shut away in his office playing games? And I’m worried about house chores falling on me.But at the same time, I already get one date night a week and about half of each weekend with him. I’ve never thought of myself as a needy partner before him, but I also want to support his hobbies. I’ve also already asked him to compromise once and don’t want him to get resentful of me.

I love my partner so much and outside of his gaming habit, he is an amazing person. I met him after I left a short-lived but very abusive relationship, and the difference is huge. I feel happy and safe with him when we’re together. I’m worried his gaming could be a dealbreaker, but if I’m being honest, the idea of starting over is daunting too.

I’ve healed a lot from the abuse, but ever since going through that experience sometimes I have trouble trusting my gut or knowing if I’m being unreasonable. Any words of reason or validation much appreciated.