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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Own_Version8381 on 2023-09-16 19:07:33.

My brother has two children. Tommy (24m) and Nova (16f). Tommy and Nova are half siblings. My brother was married to Tommy’s mom and they divorced when Tommy was 2. My brother met his second wife when Tommy was 7. Right before he was set to introduce Tommy and his second wife (girlfriend at the time), Tommy’s mom died. They planned to wait several months before she was introduced but then she became pregnant with Nova so that had to be speeded along. They got married two days before Nova was born.

Nova has been told a lot about Tommy’s mom and what happened to her. She is also aware of how old Tommy was when her mom came into his life. For many years she has held the belief that Tommy is wrong for calling her mom by her first name and not accepting her as his mom.

Tommy calls his stepmom by her name and says she’s his stepmom. He also says he only has one mom.

Nova for years has been correcting Tommy or calling him out for years over this. She says he should be more grateful and treat her mom like his mom. That her mom has been way better to him than his mom ever was and he should be glad her mom wanted to be his mom. In the last year she has ruined many family moments because she brings it up.

My brother and SIL say nothing. They claim they correct her at home and have had many talks with her but she’s young and defensive of her mom so doesn’t get it.

She was staying with me last weekend while her parents were out of town and she was on her phone a lot and scowling. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was telling Tommy he was being shitty and should accept her mom is his mom too after all these years. She said he was mad at her for saying it and was being a little dick about it. I read some of the messages and decided enough was enough.

I told her to put down the phone and I told her she was not helping anyone. I said she has no right to bully her brother or harass him to do what SHE wants him to do. I told her she is wrong for doing those things. I pointed out to her that she is destroying her relationship with her brother and is doing more harm than good. She tried to argue but I made sure she heard it all first. I told her how she treats her brother is horrible. That yes, while she might hate to admit it, she is bullying him because she is constantly calling him names and rubbing his mom’s death in his face. I told her she would hate him for doing it if she were in his shoes. I told her she is old enough to mind her own business and accept that her brother treats her mom with respect but he never has to see her as a mom.

Her first response was it is her business because her parents will never tell him. Then she said I’m being OTT because it’s not bullying to call people out for being shitty and she’s trying to help her family.

When she went back home my brother said I shouldn’t have said anything to Nova.

AITA?