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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/JadeHale on 2023-09-16 23:22:01.

Okay, some context. My (32F) ex-husband (49M) and I get along well for the most part. We co-parent our 9 year old daughter on a mostly 50/50 basis with me having her for a few extra days a month due to his fly-in/fly-out schedule for work.

The only areas we butt heads with are his lack of communication and nutrition when it comes to our daughter. (The nutrition thing is a pain to deal with but ultimately not the issue at hand here). Since we’ve been divorced, about 5 years now, he has consistently forgotten to communicate when he needs me to take her early for him, or on days when it would typically be his week with her. I’ve raised my concerns with him each time and asked him to give me more than a day or two notice when he needs me to take her, but he has failed to do so each time. Because I obviously want my daughter with me as much as possible, I always take her anyway and reschedule any plans I may have made for myself that conflict.

Recently, he and I were talking on the phone and he says to me, ‘you know you’re taking her for 3 weeks as of tomorrow right?’ I did not. He mentioned that he was thinking about taking holidays in September way back in April, did not say when in September and never brought it up again.

I had appointments booked for my week without her and an overnight trip planned. Out of frustration with him and his pattern of disrespect for me and my time, I refused to take her. My thoughts being, if I keep doing this for him he will continue to forget and things will never change. I am a very passive person and he knows this. I decided to stand up for myself and not accept his walking all over me.

He got extremely upset with me, and has demanded that he can not count on me for anything, and that he will no longer help me out when I need him to take her. Keep in mind, he has never taken her for me on his days off or helped out in that way whatsoever for me, so this really doesn’t effect me in any way at all. He claims he cancelled his vacation and wasted $1000 on it now because he has no childcare for his week with her.

I understand his frustration with cancelling his vacation. He on the other hand does not understand my frustrations with his lack of communication and has been cold with me since. AITA?