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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hopeful_Duty_9793 on 2023-09-17 07:53:22.

I (37F) and my brother, Michael (40M), are both childfree. Our sister, Jennifer (31F), has one daughter, Emma (15F). She’s the only grandchild and nibling and we all adore her. Jen has made some questionable decisions in life and has struggled a bit but we’ve always been there to help her. Jennifer was just 16 when she had Emma so she lived with Michael and his husband until she was three while Jen was in school. I live near Michael and Emma saw me more than her own mother during that time.

When Emma was seven, Jennifer married a man with a daughter who is the same age as Emma and two younger kids. They’re not poor but with four kids they don’t have a lot of disposable income. Jennifer’s step kids have everything they need but not always everything they want. However, Michael, our parents, and I can afford to spoil Emma so we get her pretty much anything she wants. Despite this, she’s not spoiled and is a very well adjusted young lady. We give the stepkids gifts on birthdays and Christmas but Emma has more expensive things than them because we can afford to buy her a lot more than their parents. We also have a college fund for Emma that should cover most or all of her college costs.

Jennifer is usually glad that we love her daughter and understands that we don’t have the same bond with her step kids and cannot afford to spend as much money on them as we do on Emma. Jen’s husband does not like us very much. He is homophonic and doesn’t want Michael and his husband to be around his kids too much. He also thinks I’m a deviant because I’m single by choice, live with my best friend, and don’t want kids. We’ve argued with him many times because he thinks we’re a bad influence on Emma and his kids. Honestly, I don’t know what my sister sees in this guy.

Our latest argument happened because I bought Emma a homecoming dress. Her stepdad doesn’t like the boy she’s going with and told her that he’s not spending any of his money on a stupid dance. He doesn’t want to seem like a hypocrite, so he’s not buying his daughter a dress either. The dress cost about $500 including accessories. Emma’s stepsister had to buy her own dress. Michael also hosted a little after party for Emma’s friends.

Yesterday Emma’s stepdad called me and said that he doesn’t like my favoritism and if Michael and I can’t do as much for his kids then we need to do less for Emma. I basically told him to f*ck off (but in a somewhat polite way) and he is currently mad at me. Jen said he told Emma that she needs to stay away from. Jen thinks I could’ve at least bought her stepdaughter a cheaper dress but I don’t see why I should. She has two sets of parents who could’ve bought her a dress and I don’t have much of a relationship with her. AITA?