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The original was posted on /r/nostupidquestions by /u/Celes_Niamh on 2023-09-17 15:08:54.

Edit: Given the context of new neighbours this is considered usual small talk (you would like to know who lives next to you). Thank you all for replying. Please know that I don’t think someone who asks this question is always weird. It is just because this was the first question he asked me and I never really have heard this before. Please keep it civil in the comments :)

Recently I (F25) met a new neighbour (NN) (M~50). After introducing his first question was: “[are you] Married?”. I felt a bit uncomfortable and excused myself after telling him I was in a relationship. I told this to another woman who lives in our neighbourhood, and she also said it was a bit strange, but questions like "are you married?, do you have children:?‘’ can be just small talk to ask about someone’s life. There was a considerable language gap with me and NN , so the conversation was not that fluent.

So, is informing about someones marital status just small talk? It just made me feel a bit uncomfortable since it felt very personal and I myself wouldn’t ask that as a first question. Nor do I think I have gotten it before.

Do note, NN didn’t do anything wrong. I saw him struggle and helped him carry some furniture. After most was done I asked if he was a new inhabitant in our building. He replied yes and than asked if I was married. This has been our only interaction. I just want to know if asking about marital status is considered small talk when first meeting someone.

Edit: This is an apartment complex with small studio’s that can officially only be rented out to one person. Most people live alone. There are some (married) couples, but most people here live alone. I realise that if this was a normal building with couples and families it is more logical to ask about family status. NN was also alone

Edit2: it seems like most people here consider it small talk (who is living here as well?) or a way to ask for more help (didn’t even see it that way, thank you). Do note that by the point we had this convo, I already walked with him a couple times from his car and back. He didn’t have much stuff left, I mainly helped him with things that are not heavy, but annoying to carry up stairs (big pieces of taken apart ikea furniture)