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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/swishyswishy1234 on 2023-09-17 18:58:02.

The bride, “Rika”, is super nice and undemanding. Her main request to the bridesmaids was having hair and makeup done by the same HMUA (Rika paying) the morning of the wedding for the getting-ready hangout. Rika had her mind set on a specific HMUA that offered a fancy bridal experience with lots of extras and she was very excited about it.

I wear bold, dramatic makeup daily. I had no issue sticking to Rika’s very different preferred style for her wedding. However, over the last few years I had a number of painful reactions to make up products and I was never able to figure out the trigger. If I immediately take makeup off pain goes away in hours and discomfort fades in a few days. While reactions are rare, I now stick to specific make up lines I know work for me.

I asked Rika if she could ask the HMUA what products they use; or I could do my own makeup while everyone else was getting theirs done (trying for the same look). But Rika just kept saying she had a reputable MUA that followed professional standards of hygiene, and that the makeup would be quite light. It seemed in her head, reactions could only happen with a shady MUA or heavy makeup.

Rika said she could pay for me to have a trial done on the same day she’d have hers so I don’t have to worry. I agreed like a dumbass, then realised that didn’t work, because if the MUA used a triggering product, I would still have a painful reaction just on a different day. I messaged Rika again, and had the same pointless conversations.

The trial day was coming. I didn’t want to just cancel… it made sense in my head to message the MUA with my question directly.

Unexpectedly, the MUA straight up said she can’t work on me for liability reasons as I cannot identify problem ingredients. Not even using products I name as safe. She also asked if the bride was aware. Turns out Rika had filled out a form that confirmed no one had known makeup sensitivities. I don’t blame Rika, she signs medical and customs forms without reading them. But the MUA was enraged: she almost fired Rika as a client, 5 weeks ahead of the wedding (they worked it out; fwiw I haven’t ever heard of a MUA with such forms or such a hardcore stance in general).

Rika and her maid of honour since implied I was intentionally sabotaging so I could do my usual “attention grabbing” makeup. I’m hoping that’s MOH/ bride-stress talking and not what Rika really thinks of me.

Several people told me I should’ve just risked it, considering my reactions (and the chance of them occurring in the first place) are relatively minor. The more people say this, the more I’m thinking maybe that IS what is expected of a friend.

Obviously my worst move was messaging the MUA directly. But I wasn’t getting anywhere with Rika and I was afraid that she’d be mad if I just said I wasn’t doing the HMUA thing. But the more I think of it, going behind her back on something so important to her may make me the AH.

ETA: people keep asking about patch tasting: my reactions only trigger on my lips and eyelids, arm swatching or w/e doesn’t help.