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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sea_Masterpiece8820 on 2023-09-17 12:10:59.

My husband and I recently became the guardian’s of his 16 year old niece Hannah. Hannah is on the spectrum and has some challenges because of her autism. These challenges were made worse in the last three months when she lost both her parents (mom and stepdad) and then came to live with two strangers (husband and I) while also not having contact with the “step” siblings she has known since she was 2 years old. The loss of contact with her stepsiblings is their choice. They are all older than Hannah and do not consider her their family/sister and did not wish to remain in touch with her now that their father is dead.

My husband has been incredibly angry with her stepsiblings for having no interest in Hannah. He has spent the last three months trying to contact them and guilt them into being part of her life. While I feel like Hannah needs therapy but I need him to get on board with it and help me.

My husband hadn’t seen Hannah since she was 18 months old. I never met her. So this has been an adjustment for everyone but she struggles with strangers naturally so to have all this happen, she is not coping well. But my husband focuses less on getting Hannah the help she needs and acts as though the only thing that can/will help is to force her stepsiblings to stay in touch with Hannah.

I think it would help but it can’t be forced either or they might take it out on Hannah. I have told him we cannot make them stay in touch with her.

The other day my husband and his parents were complaining about her stepsiblings and he was like “I’m going to DM them again and try to get an answer.” I told him he needs to focus more on Hannah right now and less on yelling at people (through DMs) because nothing he has done so far in pestering these people has helped Hannah. I pointed out we need to figure out where we stand on getting Hannah therapy because the case worker is still involved and we can’t make any decision we want for her currently.

My husband’s parents said I had no right to speak to him that way and I should be just as disgusted as he is with these adults who don’t care about their own sibling. My husband, at least, seemed to get a bit of a wakeup call when I spoke and he told his parents it was fine. But they told me there is no reason to speak to my life partner the way I spoke to him.

AITA?