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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SelectiveSerotonin on 2023-09-17 20:21:03.

My husband and I have an “allowance” system that prevents a lot of arguments about incidental spending.

Both of our salaries go into a joint account for all bills, investments, and agreed-upon purchases. The allowance is a smaller amount ($50-$100/week, but always equal for each of us) that gets moved to separate accounts for each of us, with the understanding that we can spend this money on whatever, no permission needed. Usually it’s spent on individual hobbies/splurges. This works well for us.

Today, I was looking through my husband’s credit card bill that I had used recently (with his permission) to make some travel arrangements. We don’t keep any secret bills. This credit card is auto-paid from our joint account. I saw a $73 charge to YouTube and asked him about it. He said he didn’t remember buying anything, so I dug further. Turns out he had subscribed to YouTube TV last December to watch a football game on a road trip and forgot about it. I had no idea because this was his YouTube account, his email notifications, his credit card. The total charges added up to about $675.

I admit I was annoyed and made some short comments. “You should always set a reminder to cancel these things.” “If you responsible about checking your emails, this might not have happened.” There is a history of him being irresponsible with bills and missing important emails. I manage almost all the finances. We’re in good shape, but I hate the idea of waste. We weren’t even utilizing that expensive subscription, he paid that money to watch one thing ten months ago.

I told him that to be fair he’d have to pay the $675 out of his “fun money”. He had more than enough in there because he was saving for a bigger hobby purchase. I cancelled the YT subscription on his phone, then used the banking app on my phone to move the money from his allowance account back to the joint account. I probably should’ve asked him to move the money himself, but I was upset. I felt more calm after doing the $ transfer because to me the matter was then settled.

He got irritated and said he shouldn’t have to pay out of his allowance for a simple mistake. I said “Everyone has to pay for their mistakes. That’s how life works.” Maybe I was harsh. But the wasted money was all on him. I don’t see any better way to resolve it. He pointed out that we are doing fine financially, we are fortunate that $675 out of the joint account won’t affect our budgeting for the month, but it will make a big difference to his saving for his hobbies as it is close to 2 month’s “allowance.” It was the principle of the matter to me. I’m very careful with money. No matter how well we do financially, I’ll always look for good deals and avoid profligate spending.

So, AITA for moving my husband’s fun/allowance money to pay for a mistake he made?

EDIT: I appreciate the responses, as reading the objective viewpoints helped me realize I behaved badly, more punitive than “fair.” Marriage is a partnership, not a balance sheet, and honest mistakes happen. I reacted out of irritation about the money without thinking about the bigger picture. I called my husband and apologized. He said he didn’t blame me for being irritated, as he was irritated about the money too, but he appreciated the apology. He said we could talk later about moving the money back or not.

Thanks again, and feel free to keep weighing in with comments- I feel like healthy debate is the best part of AITA.