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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Fuzzy_Improvement614 on 2023-09-18 19:40:07.

I’m 28, my boyfriend 40. We have been living together for two years now and were planning to get married in the next six months and start trying for kids. Now he says he doesn’t want to get married but just be together. About a week ago, an old Facebook account of mine which I have not used for 8 years got hacked. The hacker screenshot some nude pictures of me which I had shared with my then boyfriend from messenger chats, which was then sent to random friends on that account. Some friends reached out to me, we asked them to report and we have filed police reports. We have also tried every possible means to contact Facebook support, but that account is still up. I have obviously tried to recover the account too, but password have been changed and I do not have access to the phone number of that account anymore. The account is not active right now, just that one day when it was sending those pictures. Anyway enough of that.

Apart from the fact that I feel so violated that inappropriate pictures of me are being circulated to friends and family, and suffering even thinking about it, my boyfriend seems to blame me. Why did I take such pictures?! I was 19, never imagined those pictures could get leaked. I get that he’s frustrated, he’s been trying non-stop for 10 days now to get that account down through any means necessary, and he’s gearing up to take the legal route if Facebook still doesn’t respond, but our relationship is suffering.

He’s constantly irritated at me, I’m scared when he might blow up, he tells me off about every little thing. He told me to delete every ‘exposing pictures’ on my gallery. He went through all the photos on my phone, deleting every picture that shows even my thighs, and when I said I want to keep those because it’s not inappropriate, he got mad. When he saw some partially nude pictures, he yelled at me asking why did I click these kind of pictures, why do I have them on my phone. I know he’s only looking out for me, but I feel drained. More than my nudes getting leaked, the way he’s behaving towards me hurts the most. I know he’s probably feeling helpless about the lack of results. I’m constantly crying

He’s always been so soft and sensitive towards me, now all he does is scold me for the smallest things. He doesn’t see my suffering, my hurt. I’ve been sick with fever and cold too. I am not well. He thinks I’m too careless with things, I don’t know when he’s gonna blow up next. He’s only obsessed with getting that account down, which I know is important, but gets mad that I can’t remember things from 8 years ago, like my phone number. He keeps asking me how many such pictures I have clicked and how many people I have sent it to, which I guess he’s trying to find out to mitigate future risks but it makes me feel so sad. The accusatory tone makes me want to curl up and die.

I feel so alone, I moved across the country to be with him. Now he wants me to find a job abroad because it wouldn’t effect me as much if the hacker finds me and gets hold of my social circle. He’s told me not to talk to my friends about this,because the fewer the people know, the better it is. I agree, but now I don’t have anyone to talk to. He’s supposed to be my rock, my peace, but he’s giving me nothing but anxiety. I’m scared to even be near him these days. And looks like we’re never getting over it. Even if the account gets taken down, he’s never gonna get over it. I’m finding myself thinking of unaliving myself quite a lot these days. I don’t want to, I’ll reach out to some helplines.

This is a rant of sorts, and a plea for help. Why do I have to pay for a mistake I made years ago? How do I fix my relationship?Thank you for reading this far.

Edit to add: It might seem too one sided, so I’ll be honest I’ve been careless too. He did a security checkup of my current Facebook account and found out that was also not secure, the phone number was unaccounted for. And I have not been very supportive of his attempt to mitigate risks. He’s been moving through all these steps too mechanically and I’ve been too emotional. So I also understand where he comes from.

And details on our relationship, I’ve met everyone in his family, his mum and I are close. But none of my parents know about him. We were planning to tell in the next six months.