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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/ALovelyLotus on 2023-09-19 01:27:02.

How do I feel safe again?

My husband and I got married 4 years ago and I gave birth to our child that same year. I was referred to a therapist a few months after the birth of our child for a PPD check. I was really happy with my relationship and my baby but there was just something I couldn’t put my finger on dragging me down and I was feeling depressed. Turns out I didn’t have PPD, but I stumbled across the fact my husband had been communicating with several women behind my back. He let me use his phone to talk to someone and when the call ended his text feed was open and it was a woman on DND whose name I didn’t recognize. My stomach fell to my feet and I started shaking uncontrollably. My gut screamed at me and it made me wonder is that what I was feeling? Was I picking up on this all along?

I found nothing sexual or explicit, but it felt very much like an emotional affair was taking place. He had been sharing the ins and outs of his days with a woman from work, sometimes telling her things before he even told me. He had also been reaching out to old exes and other women he knew.

This fucking destroyed me. My mental health went to shit and I honestly still haven’t recovered. I feel depressed and so insecure since. Now like I said, I found no evidence of anything romantic or sexual but my mind still tells me that doesn’t mean anything, that he could have taken extra care to hide that. He never worked late or had any shady periods of missing time so I try to tell myself it didn’t come to that.

I’ve stayed in therapy and have tried working on forgiving him and trusting him again. For the most part I have but there is now this pit inside me that tells me I am conditional. I was vulnerable and pregnant/recovering from birth and this is what he was doing. How can I ever feel safe with aging or health issues that may arise later in my life? I feel fear all the time that he may do that again, do worse, or still be and I wouldn’t know. My therapist tells me I need to let go and trust him because he’s given me no reason not to. He ceased communication with everyone once I found out. He’s seemed genuinely remorseful and has tried to work on being more transparent, yet I keep feeling more and more depressed.

I just need to tell someone how I’m feeling because in my real life I’m just told I need to let it go, but how? How do I ever feel safe again?