This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Organic_Helicopter83 on 2023-09-19 01:56:17.

My (F32) am married to my husband (M30) and we have 3 young children together. We have been married for 3 years, together for 3 years before that. He’s a wonderful husband and father, provides everything we need, never tells me no, is involved with the kids, helps with household chores without being asked. I really couldn’t ask for more and I am so happy with him.

Before we met, My ex fiancé and I were together 6 years and he was my first love. We took a bit of a break when things got tough, we were young and didn’t know how to navigate. I always thought we would get back together, work things out and be happily ever after, like the Notebook or something. However, while we were in the break, he died of diabetic ketone acidosis. He didn’t take his insulin correctly, something I had always gotten onto him about and helped him manage. I was devastated, blamed myself for not being there, and it took me a few years to get over. I’m still in touch with his family, and they treat me like the daughter in law they never got, so that made it all the harder. When they cremated him, they gave me some of his ashes. I have kept them, as well as his favorite shirt. I have them in a little box with some pictures of us in my cedar chest.

My husband found out, and he’s uncomfortable with the fact I’ve kept the ashes and the shirt. He thinks I should have moved on, that I’m not some kind of widow, and that it’s like he’s second-choice. He doesn’t see why I’d keep the ashes and shirt if I wasn’t unhappy with him and stuck on this guy. I don’t see him as second-choice, I’m very happy with him, I just don’t feel like it’s right to throw someone’s remains away.

So, am I the asshole here for holding on to this “stuff” from my ex-fiancé?