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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwwRAA232 on 2023-09-20 18:26:34.

I just celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago, and my husband celebrated by getting me cake, flowers a card and surprise visits from my family. I was grateful, but I would’ve loved for him to ask me what gift I wanted for my birthday, or gotten me something off of my wishlist. He knows I love jewelry. For Christmas last year he got me a perfume and boots. It’s really only on birthdays he slacks off because this is the second birthday he gets me just that. I know birthdays are important to him because he was super touched when he saw his birthday set up and told me what he wanted as a gift. So it’s simple. He knows birthdays are important and a great time to give gifts.

I’ve been needing a new water bottle but he said he went and didn’t find any. And I guess he opted out of a gift entirely. Kinda messed up considering I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and got him one of what he said he needed, tix to a movie he’s been wanting to see, on top of a birthday cake and card.

I went to the store to find a water bottle myself and I ended up finding a beautiful pair of shoes at an extremely discounted price. I already have a pair but they’re super cheap and low quality, and thus super uncomfortable. I couldn’t find anything better so I settled for them. Also I’m not super in love with them. My husband didn’t know this but I would have told him had he asked. Also he was there with me when I bought them and he knows they’re cheap.

I knew I’d miss out if I didn’t get them so I brought them home and told him I got myself a birthday present. When he asked why I said “because if I didn’t get them I’ll never see them again!” What I really wanted to say was: “had you asked me I would’ve said I wanted a nice comfy pair of slip ons!” He then told me I should be saving money, but that if they make me happy it’s fine. Lol. I do save money for the record. And we are in no way struggling. We split all of our bills.

For those who I know will ask: I didn’t feel comfortable asking him to get me a birthday gift because I honestly thought that a first year of husband and wife he would get me a gift. It’s my fault for assuming this but it makes no sense. It makes me feel like he isn’t generous, he gives the absolute bare minimum and wants me to just be happy with that. And I can’t be. I don’t know how to be. I go above and beyond for him. Why can’t he do the same?!

Edit: we are not saving money for anything in specific. He just meant we should be saving our money as in putting it into savings. Well I just sent $2,200 into my savings last wk and I never buy treat myself to ANYTHING but takeout so I told him to put a sock in it. (Not literally obviously but that’s what I wanted to say)

Edit: The shoes were $34 in case you were wondering.

INFO: For his birthday last year I got him the cologne of his dreams, and a trip to a nice spa, and cake. For Christmas I got him a pair of long sleeve shirts from his favorite brand. For his birthday this year, I got him a nice pack of boxers (because his were super old and worn out and he specifically said he wanted them!!!) and movie tickets along with a cake and decorations.

Edit: he had options besides a water bottle. He could’ve bought me panties as well, which I also need, which he knows because he’s reminded me to purchase them myself. lol. He knows what I have and what I don’t. He knows every item in my closet and what I like and what I don’t. I have one pair of mom jeans, he knows I’d love another pair. I could go on. There’s no reason to just not get anything.

Edit: I don’t consider the celebration a gift. It’s super sweet but I just don’t consider it a gift. I got him a celebration on TOP of a gift. That’s just normal birthday stuff to me.

Edit: I just realized that he gifted me something he values. Time with family. He doesn’t have his family nearby and I know he would’ve wanted to spend time with them. I do value family time but not as much as him, so thought this IS sentimental, I think he was thinking more of what he’d like for his birthday.

More info: for those asking my family lives nearby, they don’t have to fly out to see me. His would have to, though.