This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Pale-Doughnut4743 on 2023-09-21 00:01:39.

Hello everyone!

I’ve realized that in my past relationship and current relationship that I (25F) always seem to be the one compromising and that everything has felt very one-sided. In my previous relationship, I was with a man who was very Catholic and pro-life (I wasn’t aware of this until a couple of months into our very short relationship) whereas I am not religious and pro-choice. Regrettably, I told him I was willing to learn more about Catholicism out of respect until he told me that I would 1) have to convert to becoming Catholic, 2) would have to marry him in a church, and 3) would have to sacrifice my own life in the case that we had a baby and it was my life or the baby’s. Needless to say, I left that relationship pretty quickly. He wanted me to change myself for him and I refused to do so. I remember asking him that if I were to do all of this for him, what exactly would he be doing for me in return? No answer. I would be compromising everything for him.

A year later I am in a relationship with someone new. I met him through Hinge and put very clearly on my profile that I am an atheist and I do not want kids. Come to find that he was raised Catholic (but he doesn’t really associate himself with it) and thinks he wants kids. I felt betrayed when I found out because I made these things VERY obvious on my profile. I liked him enough to stay with him but now I’m realizing that I’m yet again compromising. He wants to move in a few years to work elsewhere (he likes traveling and not staying in one spot), he eventually wants to move back to Canada (I live in the U.S.), he wants me to be OK with him one day starting his own business and working 80+ hours a week, and he also thinks he wants kids. What exactly am I getting out of this? These are all things that would completely upend my life if I give into them.

With that being said, there’s been a pattern in my life where I (a woman) am expected to compromise my own future for these men. Has anyone else had an experience like this? How do I talk to my current boyfriend about this? He really is incredible and completely different than my ex, but I don’t think living for someone else is fair. I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, advice, etc. Thank you all in advance!