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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/feelitoutaita on 2023-09-20 21:41:51.

My ex-husband (Kyle) and I divorced 4 years ago. We have 3 kids together (11, 8, & 5). I was a SAHM and primary caregiver for the kids, so I petitioned for and was granted primary custody while Kyle gets visitation. He’s been trying to get 50-50 split custody, but due to living over an hour away, he has only been granted extra time with the kids. We co-parent pretty well. Or, at least we used to. Things started going south after I remarried a little over a year ago.

My current husband (Jeff) and I were old friends from college and we reconnected through mutual friends after my divorce. Jeff has never been married and has no kids of his own. But he’s an amazing step-dad to my kids. He loves them and dotes on them as if they were his own.

Kyle and Jeff did not know each other before I got remarried. But as soon as Kyle found out that Jeff and I were old friends, he started acting really weird and suspicious and I heard from mutual friends that he was asking them if anyone knew if Jeff and I were connecting with each other before the divorce. None of that is true and after I heard about it, I confronted Kyle and told him to stay out of my personal life because that’s not his business.

Recently, after one of the kids’ visits with Kyle, he said he needed to talk with me about some things. Apparently, Kyle was upset that Jeff has been buying expensive items for the kids. Jeff makes good money and enjoys “spoiling” the kids. The older 2 had brought the new Nintendo systems Jeff got them over to Kyle’s house and it started and argument because Kyle made them put them away and not play on them.

Kyle said that he’s not comfortable with Jeff spending large amounts of money on the kids like that because he feels like Jeff is trying to “buy” their affection and put too much emphasis on consumer items. I told him that gift-giving is Jeff’s love language and it’s how he prefers to show he cares about someone.

I told him that I won’t tell Jeff not to spend money on the kids because it’s his money and he can spend it however he likes. Also, the kids love it and they don’t argue with each other about having to take turns on stuff like that. I told him that I would never tell him how to spend his money and he’s free to buy things for the kids too.

I told him he’s coming off as jealous and it’s not a good look, but I will at least try and make sure the kids don’t bring things like that to his house if it will make him feel better. I told him that he needs to work on his insecurities about Jeff because he’s going to be in the kids’ lives from now on. I told him that Jeff is not trying to replace him and that buying a few things for the kids isn’t a big deal.

He told me to stop being a condescending b!tch for 5 minutes so that we can actually have a constructive conversation about his concerns. I told him if he’s going to speak to me like that, he needs to leave my property right now.