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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Beautiful_Assist_365 on 2023-09-21 14:40:22.

I (F30) is single and childfree by choice. I date occasionally but no long term relationships. This is due to many reasons like I love my freedom, I want to enjoy my life unencumbered with responsibilities and want to really focus on my career.

My older brother (M34) got married when he was 26. He has two kids (F7, F4). They had a traditional household. He wanted a partner who stayed home and looked after the family while he earned. She had apparently dreamed of being a homemaker and taking care of children.

But during last couple of years she showed signs of hating it. She wanted to study more and work outside. Build something of her own. But my brother refused to step up or help. I warned him once but he told me it’s none of my business how he runs his household. I kept my mouth shut since.

His wife left him a month ago. She just wrote him a letter saying she can’t do this and want to explore her life. She left kids with him and basically vanished. We have no idea where she is and it appears neither does her family.

Thing is my brother doesn’t know how to do even the most basic things. He is the kind of guy who never changed a diaper or toasted bread. The moment my brother found that his wife left, he called my mother who rushed in to save the day. She thought it was short term and my SIL would be back, but she hasn’t. My father is unwell and needs her home soon. They live hours away.

My brother suggested she take kids home with her. My dad said no. He is retired and they are both getting old. He does not want to have kids in the house full time, taking up her time and energy.

Since that was a no go, my brother asked me to either move in with them to help out or take kids in with me. I refused.

From what I see, he is a grown adult and these kids are his responsibility. I made a choice to live the way I do and I do not want to sacrifice my life for his choices.

My family is pressuring me onto this saying stuff like how my brother does not know how to take care of kids, the little girls need a women in their life, how family helps family etc.

My brother is calling me cold hearted for not even trying to help him.

AITA?