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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/barbiegirll222 on 2023-09-21 23:15:21.
I (F21) and my boyfriend (M21) have been together for just shy of a year. We started out as roommates so we’ve lived together/been really close the entire time. We have sex very frequently, probably around 4-5 times a week. I love having sex with him, but I am not able to finish with just penetration. This topic of conversation makes me uncomfortable so I never brought it up, until last week. I reached my breaking point. He has never even tried to make me finish, whether it was orally or with his hands. His lack of touching me/trying to please me has made me grow extremely self conscious. It makes me wonder if he thinks I’m gross or something is wrong with me. I finally gathered the courage to admit this to him, thinking we were close enough that we could have a mature conversation on the subject and reach a solution. Boy was I wrong. Even though I was very gentle with my words and made sure he knew I still loved him, he lost his shit. He accused me of cheating on him and said that I could no longer be trusted if I had been keeping this big of a secret for this long. This huge fight happened days before my 21st birthday. He decided to still come out and celebrate with me and my friends even though we weren’t getting along. Of course with the consumption of alcohol, chaos ensued. He ended up telling me that he will never give me head or finger me because it’s “gross” and none of his other girlfriends have had this problem. We proceeded to fight for 4 hours (until 6 am, ON MY BIRTHDAY) I know that I hurt his feelings and it was probably hard to hear his girlfriend say he’s never once made her finish, but I had nothing but good intentions. AITA?
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NTA. In fact lying about this or even failing to mention it would make you TA.
I was in a relationship where I wasn’t making her cum. But she wouldn’t tell me! Instead, she cheated on me.
It’s rough to learn that you aren’t making your girl cum, but if she tells you it’s a good sign. It means she thinks you’re worth it, and she thinks you probably can as long as you become aware of the problem and adapt.
My ex told me everything was fine. To me, that signaled that I was hopeless. Better to leave me in a child’s state: surrounded by a comfortable web of self esteem theater.
No. By telling your man he isn’t doing it for you in bed, you are treating him as a man, and supporting his growth.
I was lucky to have a girlfriend in college (this other ex was in my thirties) who was honest about sex, and as a result we had amazing sex.
Oops, I just read your post in detail. Yeah holding that back for a year is not a good sign for how much you trust him. I can see how that would cause some major insecurity for him. See my other comment (if you magically happen to see your reddit post’s mirror on lemmy) for an explanation as to why this would bother me.
