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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Unhappy-Mamma on 2023-09-22 09:24:55.

I (F32) am currently eight months pregnant with my first, which my husband (M33) and I are absolutely thrilled about. I am nearing my maternity leave (not in the US, for reference), and I was in the office this week to try and finalise all the little loose ends before I am off.

I am primarily a remote worker, so while the team has grown quite rapidly over the past few months, and I have not had an opportunity to meet every new starter in person. That means there were a lot of new faces in this week, and I enjoyed chatting to them.

Now, it is quite obvious that I am pregnant, and my maternity leave has been spoken about quite a bit within the team as I am handing over all of my projects, so new starters have spoken to me about the pregnancy while I was in the office. This is no issue, happy to chat about the baby and our preparations, but I was made quite uncomfortable by one interaction this week.

“Susan” (F40s) started three weeks ago, and I am handing some of my work over to her while I am gone. I have met her a few times over Teams, but she saw me in person for the first time on Tuesday. She was asking lots of questions about the pregnancy, and detailed (quite graphically) her birth story. It was a bit odd, but I tried to move the discussion on. That is when she said, and I will quote her:

“I am not speaking as your colleague, I am talking as your friend. If you ever feel or notice something odd, please feel free to reach out. This could be cramping, or bleeding, or your water breaking. Even if you need someone to help coach you as you prepare for birth.”

To be clear, we are engineers and Susan has no medical background. I was so freaked out, why would she offer this kind of help, and why would I call essentially a total stranger and discuss personal details about my body?! We have been totally professional up until this point, and this was my first time even meeting her in person!

I told Susan that I appreciated the thought, but I had a fantastic team of doctors and a very supportive family, so I was okay. Then Susan said, “It is sometimes easier to talk to someone who has been through it, so please call me even if it is the middle of the night and you don’t want to wake your husband” I told Susan that I was getting uncomfortable because this was not an appropriate discussion for work, and I would appreciate if we could stick to project-related topics only from now on.

Susan seemed quite upset and has subsequently been avoiding me at the office and taking much longer to get back to emails. I mentioned what was going on to my mom, and she said that I was too harsh when Susan was clearly only looking to bond with me and this was the only way she knew how. My mom said I should have told her that the office wasn’t the place but I should not have shut down her offer to help. She said maybe Susan was trying to make a female friend at work and just came off a bit weird. So, was I the AH?