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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Quirky_Exam3942 on 2023-09-22 15:22:04.

My wife (42) has severe depression (bipolar) and spends most of the day in bed unless she is medicated. She has tried all kinds of medication and only ADHD medication has worked for her. However, due to high levels of blood pressure, she had to stop taking it and therefore is back to bed.

I am responsible for cleaning the house, cooking, washing dishes and most of the clothes, taking my daughter (9) to activites, and teaching her when she needs help with school. I also work full time. I do not expect my wife to help, and dont put pressure on her. After all she is sick. But it has been very hard for me, and until today, our daughter was not being affected by the situation (apparently).

Nonethless, school called today saying that daughter was crying. She told the school burse that she was worried about her mom being sick all the time. We have not heard my daughter’s story because she is still at school.

My wife thinks that this happened because yesterday my wife told the mother of one of my daughter’s school friends that she was sick and could not take my daughter to a play date. So wife thinks that my daughter’s friend brought up the situation at school and made my daughter cry. Wife also come up with the idea that my daughter might be manipulating her to skip physical education (I would never have thought something like that).

My perception of the event was that my daughter was crying because she is indeed anxious with the situation (mom always sick). I said that we need to find a way to deal with the situation so that it does not affect our daughter. Wife got super mad and said that I was blaming her. I said it is not her fault since she does not choose to be sick, but we do have a problem that needs attention so that we can help our daughter to grow not feeling insecure, afraid or anxious given that the problem exists and for over 10 years and is likely to continue. When my daughter is not listening to her (like to take a shower), she always says to the kid that she feels sick and the kid needs to listen because of that. So she uses her mental issue as a way to make the kid listen to hear (I havent said this because she was too mad already). I also said she should not talk to other parents from my daughter school about her health issues, given that they can tell my daughter’s friends and they can bring it up to school. She got mad about that as well. Am it the asshole here? I am open to advices. Thanks!