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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SchemeLong4640 on 2023-09-22 22:44:54.

I (F27) am marrying my fiancé (F26) next October. We’ve had a very long engagement (3 years now) because we are paying for our wedding ourselves, and we wanted to take time to save up enough money to have the wedding of our dreams. I know that the wedding isn’t everything, of course, and we are both so excited to be getting married regardless, but we figure since we only plan on doing this once, may as well go all out!

Now, my fiance and I both work in animal sciences and have always had a taste for the macabre. We’ve planned our wedding to have a sort of “dark nature” theme; our ideal decor includes lots of moss, mushrooms, dark flowers, even the occasional antler or skull (ethically sourced, of course! That’s part of what makes them so expensive but we refuse to compromise on that). My dress is black, and I plan to walk down the aisle to Hozier’s “Like Real People Do.” We’ve booked a venue in a nearby national park and plan to have the ceremony deep in the forest with a reception at a nearby pavilion. Of course, my fiance and I acknowledge that our taste is weird and not what most people would do for a wedding, but we’ve talked long and hard about it and this is what we want.

Our friends are all excited with us, but the issue comes from both of our mothers. I’m the only daughter in my family and my fiancé is the only child in hers, so our mothers have both been excited to plan “their perfect wedding.” Unfortunately, they disapprove of almost every decision we’ve picked, and it has caused quite a few arguments. My fiancé’s mother has gone as far as to call my fiance crying about how she’s “ruining her only chance to plan her daughter’s perfect wedding.”

Now, our theme is important to us, but not as important as our family’s. Our friends have encouraged us to not back down and stick up for what we want, but neither of us want miserable mothers. WIBTA if I tell the collective moms that this is what we’ve decided on? Would it be easier just to change a few things?