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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Separate-Turn4212 on 2023-09-23 07:29:07.
Let me start this off by saying I am a (24f) who went to college in 2019, but dropped out to take care of my mom who was dying from cancer. When she passed away I moved in with my now husband (26m).
We now have a daughter who is 2 years old and currently are living with my in laws while we are looking for a house to buy with the help of our realtor.
I am a stay at home mom and now that my daughter is 2, I feel like I am capable of starting college again. I want to start college because I don’t wanna stay home forever and would like to go back to college because I absolutely loved it. Also, not to sound like a pessimist, but you never know what can happen in a relationship and if we weren’t together I wouldn’t have a degree or job to turn to. That leaves me feeling uncomfortable.
On numerous occasions during arguments my husband has said things like “this is my house, my car, my (fill in the blank). If you left you would have nothing so good luck. This has pushed me even harder to want to get a job and degree so I can feel like I have some independence and don’t constantly feel like something’s being held above my head and would like to feel like more than just a mom and a wife. I have completely lost all self independence.
Anyways; this is the issue; I applied for my FASFA and got approved for a $7000 grant and a $9500 loan. $9500 is the cost of tuition for 1 year at this community college. I was so excited and signed up for college part time and scheduled a tour for campus. When I told my husband what financial aid I got, he got angry and said no. That we couldn’t afford a $9500 loan. He said that the loan would effect our chances of getting a house even though the loan Is in my name and I am not gonna be on the home loan at all, they wont be running my credit. I told him I’d use the entire grant towards the loan and get a job at nights and weekends to cover the rest of tuition. He said I am not getting a job because we’d never see each other and now he’s saying things like “take your laptop for a day while watching the baby and see if you can even get anything done, do something completely random.” From the beginning he keeps saying “are you sure you can do that” and keeps trying to deter me and now is saying the finances are an issue. He clearly doesn’t think I’m capable and isn’t being supportive. Part time is only 4 courses a semester and him saying things insinuating I won’t be able to manage college and a baby also make me wonder: Why won’t he help me with our daughter when he’s home at night so I can do my classes? Or the weekends when he’s home? Am I the asshole for being upset that my husband won’t let me go to college?