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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwawayfortunately on 2023-09-23 10:59:11.

Me (45F) and my husband (46M) have two sons. The older one is 21 and in college and works a part time job on the side. The younger one is 16 and still in high-school.

My husband’s brother has two sons as well who are 24 and 28. The older one is very nice and polite but the younger one (let’s call him Simon) had always been problematic since I can remember. He’s a very picky eater, refuses to even bother engaging in a conversation unless he’s interested in it and would always be the one getting fussy if we go somewhere on a family gathering. He hardly ever addresses me and whenever he used to come over whether by himself or with his brother, he barely managed to greet me. If I ask him personal questions, he shuts me down easily.

However he and my husband seem to have a good friendship and even talk on the phone once or twice a week.

My husband’s brother works two jobs and wasn’t always a very present father. So Simon had attached himself to my husband even as a kid because of availability and common interests. When he was around 5, Simon even used to say he wants to marry my husband. We all saw it as a joke and moved past it but I found the attachment odd since then.

He and my husband both like guns, hunting, video games and the same types of music. Even cars too which is my husband’s main hobby these days.

A few months ago Simon wanted to go on a hunting trip with his father but got refused so my husband offered to take him instead. I told him he should take our sons too and Simon’s brother so it would be like a family bonding experience.

He agreed but apparently it didn’t go well. My older son and Simon’s brother didn’t like it and my younger son was on his phone the whole time and complained since the hunting grounds are further away and require a lot of walking. My husband told me this and said he wouldn’t force anyone else to come if they didn’t want to.

But ever since then, he and Simon spend a lot of time together. They go hiking every other Sunday in the morning and Simon often comes over to help my husband with the cars he’s fixing up or play games while I’m at work. Simon only briefly greets me while often times not even bothering to greet his cousins.

My younger son told me he asked my husband for something but he told him he’ll do it later and then forgot about it. It upset me because I feel like he’s neglecting our sons while having no issues spending time with his nephew and always talking to him on the phone. Simon seems more like a son to him than our actual sons and it really bothers me.

He claims I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal. And that he tried to spend time with our sons but they don’t seem all that interested in doing what he likes doing. I told him they’re his sons and he should show more interest but he claims I’m being too pushy and overbearing.

Every time I bring it up with him he gets annoyed.