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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/notmyrealaccount7818 on 2023-07-04 13:01:17+00:00.

For years I’ve (37F) thought I was in the right but after rehashing this again over the weekend with my family I’m unsure.

Context: 10 years ago I dated this guy (now 39M) briefly and during this time I fell head over heels for him. He was my dream guy, handsome, funny, and had a good career as a lawyer. One day we met up to talk per his request and I was ecstatic as I thought he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. However, he explained he thought we should stop seeing each other as we were looking for different things. Me, a husband, and him something casual. He was only staying in my town for a few months to handle his family’s business’ legal issues and then back to work in NY. I was absolutely gutted.

A month later my sister (now 34F) had graduated law school and came home for a few weeks before heading to live in NY. My sister and I had never been close so she had no idea of my heartbreak and I was unaware that she had met my ex while out one day. It wasn’t until I heard her talking on the phone with a friend describing a very familiar guy I put it all together. Once I learned this I confronted her and it turned out she had no idea me and him dated. Naturally, she was pissed at him but when confronted it turned out he also had no idea we were sisters since she never talked about our family, we have very different features, and different last names.

After finding this out they decided to just get over it since me and him we never really serious. He asked her to be his girlfriend and they decided to continue their relationship in NY. You could just tell by looking at them together they were crazy about each other. Once again, I felt absolutely gutted. This is what our big argument was about. I feel my sister betrayed me and broke girl/sister code by continuing to be with him after everything. She should’ve had my back whether or not we’re close. She felt that I was taking a three week courtship too serious and that I should’ve given her a pass in this situation as she had no idea. At the time most of the family took my side except for my mom who remained neutral.

Years later now my family only knows what’s going on in my sister’s life through my mom’s updates which my sister allowed. Turns out she married that guy, they have 2 kids together, and are still practicing law in their respective fields. In the latest update we received this weekend it turns out my sister is pregnant again and she told my mom they agreed this is their last one. Once my family heard this they lost their shit. They want to be in her life now, meet her family, and connect with her during this pregnancy since its her last. They want me to apologize for making a big deal out of nothing but I refused. However now I am thinking it over and maybe it’s time to get over this entire situation as my sister and my ex did a decade ago.

Am I a asshole after all this time? Was I the asshole to even begin the argument?