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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwraroommate200 on 2023-07-04 14:29:42+00:00.

I (22f) have been friends with “Cat” (23f) since freshman year of college. We have been living together for 2 years. In the time that we’ve known each other, we have rarely had problems.

Around 10 months ago, I started seeing “Doug” (23M) We worked on a group project together. After the project, he asked if I would like to go out sometime with him. We went out for a total of 2 months just getting to know each other and being very casual. At around 2 months in, we decided to be a little more intimate. I’m not sure if i’m allowed to say this year, but long story short, we had sex. I had planned on staying the night at his place afterwards. About 2 hours later, we were watching something on my phone when he left to pick up some food. He left his phone because he didn’t want to have to pause the video and that I can catch him up when he got back.

He started getting a bunch of texts and after a while, I planned to click on the messages and turn his phone off and stop watching. I found out that I was the topic of this group chat. After we were done, Doug had went to the bathroom and texted his gc “Finally fucked a fat chick”.

The responses were a mix of cheering him on, joking about “my condolences”, or just simply saying “ew”. Someone asked for pictures and Doug responded “Dude do you think I wanted pictures of her body on my phone?” I was heartbroken and left. I blocked his number and haven’t spoken to him since.

Since that happened, I have struggled with “getting back out there” and have random bouts of insecurity and I feel like I second guess every interaction I have with someone.

Last Monday, Cat told me shes been seeing someone and he wants to hang out at her place. Yep, its Doug. I haven’t really seen him since then so when she showed me his picture, I froze up and that feeling cam back again. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable having him over and ending up telling her the entire story, what happened, and how I’ve been feeling.

Her response was, “Well, maybe he just had like a sexual bucketlist and needed someone like you to help him”

I was in shock. i asked her to clarify and she double down, saying that maybe that was something he always wanted to do and right now I was “kink shaming”

I told her I needed a minute to process what she said and spent the night in my room. Since then, I’ve been not as talkative with her. If she asks me something, I answer but other than that, I dont go out of my way to engage. We haven “hung out” since then and I’ve been doing my on thing.

This morning she left to spend time with her family, and left a note saying that this “silent treatment” is manipulative, she doesn’t know what she did, and I better fix myself nby the time she comes back or were gonna have roommate problems.

Im still so upset but now im thinking that maybe I shouldve talked to her more and brought it up again and that maybe I was being some degree of an asshole. But at the same time, I’m so hurt she would say that.

AITA?