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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Punner1 on 2023-09-24 14:18:35.

A beloved friend of 30+ years published a book. It’s on a “real” press, and has received glowing jacket blurbs from a number of big-name authors.

I write a lot of book reviews and have hundreds of followers. I write detailed, honest reviews.

I gave the novel a 4-star ranking, a detailed and praise-laden review, with no negative commentary, nor any caveats on why I withheld the fifth star.

The book is good, ambitious in scope, and a serious accomplishment. But I reserve five-star rankings for superb, nearly flawless, “I would read it again tomorrow!” literature. I anticipated that even that level of couched, or implied “critique” would likely draw fire, so I opted to not qualify the 4 stars in any way. It was a 100% positive review that I thought would entice readers because of its detail and specificity.

The friend contacted me asking “Did you mean to give a 4-star ranking on Amazon? If you did, just take it down!” They followed by issuing a second demand, “And take it down on Goodreads, too!”

Before I could reply or take action, the author’s partner wrote into the same group chat, “As you know, we are pouring our hearts, souls and finances into marketing this book,. Initial ratings are incredibly important and anything less than five stars is unhelpful. Very unhelpful. We will get our share of lesser ratings, but we don’t expect them from a friend who understands their impact.”

I spent an afternoon thinking how to respond: Change the ranking to 5, and be a “liar” for a good friend? I mean, not a lot of skin off my nose, but I honestly had not expected a demand for an “expected” 5 star review.

Or, should I honor the initial request by the author, and simply take down the review? I literally read the request as being that: If you can’t give five stars, take it down. (I read a lot of things literally.)

I opted to honor the request to take the review down. I replied, and I quote: “If you feel that a 100% positive, detailed, four star review is detrimental to your sales, I will honor your request to remove the review for now. The last thing I would want to do is hurt you. Or your sales.”

This did not go over well. I was accused of stabbing them in the back, and berated for daring to issue anything less than 5 stars, when an author had blurbed “This is destined to be a classic.” How could I possibly disagree? I didn’t disagree. But, I note that the author did not give a star-rating with his blurb.

Without diverting into a completely different debate on the ASD “spectrum,” I have been known to have a hard time understanding unwritten social rules, or know “common sense” in matters like these.

I am truly bereft thinking that this issue could torpedo an incredible, long-lasting friendship.

[edited; misuse of apostrophe in possessive “its”]