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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MidwifeMayhem on 2023-09-25 07:34:47.

I (F32) am currently 37 weeks pregnant, and was at my obstetrics appointment yesterday with my husband (M33). This is our first child, and I have been quite lucky so far with the pregnancy but I have been having some unaccounted for pain which is making me quite concerned.

I went to the ER four days ago, and the doctor on call checked me out and told me it was safe to go home but that I should bring it up at my routine appointment seeing as it was so soon (yesterday). Obviously this has my husband and I quite nervous, so I was hoping for some answers when we saw the obstetrician. When I walked into my appointment with my husband, it was the usual doctor (F40s?) as well as a younger girl (F20s) who I had not met before. The younger girl was introduced as a trainee midwife who would be listening in on the appointment.

I didn’t have an issue with this, although it would have been nice to have been asked rather than having this sprung on us. Nevermind, the appointment carried on the student midwife was not at all confident in what she was doing. It was clear that I was one of the first patients she had seen and she was very shaky and shy. Again, no issues, we all need to learn somehow.

My actual issue arose when I was describing the pain to the doctor and the fact it feels like I can’t breathe when it hits. The student midwife started laughing when I said that, but the doctor gave her a stern look and she stopped. Then as I carried on with my description and an overview of what happened in the ER, the student midwife said (almost to herself), “I have never seen a stillbirth before.” I say almost to herself because it seemed to come out of her mouth unconsciously and almost as if she was thinking it and didn’t realise she had said it, but I got very upset.

I looked the student midwife right in the eyes and told her to get out. She looked like a deer in headlights, but I stood up and told the doctor that one of us was leaving and if it wasn’t going to be the midwife, then it would be me. My doctor asked the midwife if she could please leave the room, and she was quite apologetic with me but told me to be understanding because the student midwife was still young and learning. My husband supported me and told the doctor that we do not want to see the student midwife again.

The rest of the appointment carried on like normal, but I called my mom (F67) in tears when we were in the car. I felt like I had held it together in the hospital, but I just wanted to vent to my mom. She shocked me, though, by saying that I had been unfair to the student midwife and that she needed these learning opportunities so that she could develop a bedside manner. Now I feel a little bad about my reaction, and am wondering if I was the AH?