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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/LamentforJulia on 2023-09-25 23:21:02.

I was a witness for two years and it was beyond horrible. And by witness I mean victim but you are not treated like one at all. I’m stunned I made it through those two years, and I thought about suicide many times.

Hmm where should I start? I met with my ada (assistant DA) for two minutes, and in that time she got details of my case wrong. She also did not bring the evidence. The judge, for her part was just belligerent. One of the first things she said to me was “We don’t have all day.” Apparently you are not allowed to show fear or even anxiety in front of the person that assaulted and then raped you. A person you once hid from in a bathroom for hours. If you show fear, you are somehow suspect. The judge tossed my case and I had to appeal it. After this the DA seemed to percieve me as bad at my job. What I took away from this was that I was not supposed to have any trauma from this experience, and nothing about this of course makes any sense. Who wouldn’t have any? If a person didn’t show fear in front of their offender wouldn’t this in fact be an indication that they were lying?

I could barely sit on the stand and I’m amazed I didn’t vomit actually. And this was the first hearing. Not only was my rapist and his attorney and members of his family present, but also all the accused sex offenders of that week (there were a lot). I was like entering a pit of hell. In a trial at least you have some privacy (jury members are fine to me, though this must be hard too. But compared to how first hearings are held, a jury sounds wonderful). This all ended, btw, in a plea deal of 3 years probation. It wasn’t entirely useless though as this person now has a record.

Anyway, I’m very curious if anyone else here has worked as a witness. How’d that go? Are you alive??

ALSO, if you were a victim who never came forward I completely understand you. Every single thing about this was difficult, and now on top of having rape trauma I have court trauma.

Sexism and misogyny are standard defenses of a rapist, but also they are used by their defense attorneys. The court does nothing to prevent this, not only that but they believe these defenses are legitimate. Imagine a standard defense of murder being: “Well the victim wanted to be murdered anyway. I mean look at how he dresses and acts. And why was he standing there anyway? He was just asking to be stabbed to death.”