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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Forsaken_Fruit_9858 on 2023-09-25 22:35:34.

So I (23F) recently hung out with my boyfriend Jason (25M) and some of his friends from college: Hana (25F), Mike (25M), and Rickie (26M). For some additional context, Rickie and Hana began dating shortly after college, and Hana has Celiac Disease. Also, I recently moved in with Jason, resulting in me needing to find a new job.

While we were all hanging out, Jason’s friends asked some questions to get to know me, and upon learning I had to move so far that I needed to change jobs, they asked where I was applying. I mentioned a cafe/bakery that’s gotten in touch with me so far and that I have an upcoming interview. I said I really loved the atmosphere as a customer, and I want to work for someplace that is local rather than a chain and prioritizes quality, which this place definitely does. She scoffed and said it’s a bad business and I should probably just forego the interview since it’s not a company worth working for. Rickie agreed, calling it a shit place. I asked what was wrong, fearing there were some serious problems I didn’t know about, only for Hana to complain that there were no Gluten Free food options. This confused me, which I expressed, asking why she expected GF option at a bread bakery. She said “what, just because they sell bread they can’t put in a little extra effort to cater to gluten intolerant customers?”

This might be where I fucked up. I responded that, yes, that’s the case. What I didn’t say, but assumed went without saying, was that majority of the facility is literally used to make various breads/rolls/etc and other flour-inclusive pastries, and the remainder of the facility is used to process, prepare, handle, or advertise the sale of these products. Literally their whole thing is that they bake their own breads, have their own recipes, everything is from scratch and the wheat for the flour is provided by a family-owned wheat farm. Everything they sell is or involves their house-made bread products and other baked goods except for the coffee, tea, and maybe their soups? But I also don’t know if they use flour to thicken those, and even if they don’t, by nature of the operations in the cafe/bakery, there’s flour everywhere. It honestly felt like hearing someone with a peanut allergy complain about the offerings at a nut store or something. It made zero sense to me.

Apparently, the was I responded really offended Hana. She spluttered something about me being an asshole who thinks people with dietary needs should just suck it up, get sick, or die, then grabbed Rickie’s arm and pulled him out of the restaurant. Things have been awkward to hostile since then; my boyfriend agrees with me, but says I could’ve handled it better pr just shut my mouth entirely, Mike has been staying out of it, Rickie is pissed that I “insulted his girlfriend”, and Hana has been finding me on social media and harassing me in comment sections and my DMs. Was I the asshole here?