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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GalaApples93 on 2023-09-25 20:55:23.

My husband and I welcomed our first baby into the world a few months ago, to say the least it’s been pretty hectic as we are first time parents. My oldest sister, let’s call her Lilly, is in a wheel chair and lives on her own with round the clock care. For the past 10ish years I have taken care of my sister along side with other caregivers. And before anyone ask, my mom is simply to old and unhealthy to care for her in recent years (she’s also sorta been absent from caring for her).

I would go to her house 7 days a week, I was there anywhere between 10pm-7am every day. Around 36 weeks I took leave to focus on myself and baby, my sister seem to have had an issue with this. She complained to anyone who would listen that I wouldn’t talk to her. Mind you, I was strictly focusing on preparing for the arrival of my baby and hardly had time or mental energy to conversate with anyone.

Lilly is very emotionally demanding. She expects your time when she wants it. Being that her mind is at 15 years old despite being 45. I could not do this. I couldn’t give her more of my time than I already had.

After my baby was born I became so drained of any emotional or social energy. I struggled with postpartum depression, my physical recovery was painful and exhausting, I’m still recovering intact. During this my sister bombarded everyone any myself for my time. Saying she couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t speak to her. I would go off to tell her she needed to give me time to recover, this wasn’t good enough and she persisted.

Finally I snapped, told her she was not entitled to my time and that iv been struggling with adjusting and that she needed to give me time. She constantly wanted to know when I’d return to work (I get paid by the state to take care of her). Or when I’d be by with my newborn.

My sister didn’t like my radio silence and decided to fire me in the middle of my recovery because o wouldn’t communicate with her. My husband has struggled finding work the past year and it’s been incredibly hard, so she really threw us for a loop when she fired me. Our main source of income was now gone and my husbands job didn’t pay nearly enough for us to sustain ourselves. I was livid.

A week or so ago my husband got an amazing offer out of state, being we weren’t finding work here we jumped on the opportunity largely due to the fact we’d go homeless if we stood in a high cost of living state (we live in CA). We didn’t want to leave our entire family behind but after searching for work endlessly it seemed like our only option.

Now here’s the part where I think I might be the AH. My sister hasn’t spoken to me nor I to her. Everyone knows I’m leaving expect her. I didn’t exactly plan on telling her, but my family is pushing me to let her see my baby before I leave. I don’t want to, but at the same time I feel it might not be worth the trouble avoiding her to appease my family. So, WIBTAH?

EDIT: my return date was up in the air due to the complications I had during delivery. I had lost a lot of blood and was in the hospital for 3 days, I kept getting extensions due to my slow recovery physically and mentally. She was aware of this.