This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Secret_Bar5485 on 2023-09-26 13:16:07.

I (22f) have had debilitating migraines since I was about 13. Being said I know how to deal with them a bit better now but with the stress of a full-time job and being a full-time student my migraines have turned into cluster headaches and even sent me to the ER twice in the past year. My husband (26m) and I got married a year and a half ago and it has been rocky but we’ve been going to therapy and doing alright lately.

I came home with a migraine I got during work and by the time I got home I barely wanted to open my eyes. I soaked my feet in hot water and put ice packs on my neck to relieve the pain but to no avail. At around 3 am that morning me and my husband are sleeping and I wake up to a stabbing pain behind my eye. I’ve only had it one other time and It gets so bad my face swells up. I took the migraine pills beside my bed and tried to breathe it out. An hour past and I feel my face swelling and I feel nauseated from the pain so I decide to ask if he can make me coffee since sometimes caffeine helps me. I figured it was between that or asking him to drive me to the ER but thought I would exhaust all my options first. (Just a side note I had work at 6 am and he has been off all week so i was not waking him up when he had work the next day)

He got upset and stormed downstairs and started slamming stuff around which was just making my head feel worse. I decided to blindly walk downstairs to tell him that I would try to make it myself and to go back to bed only to see the water kettle on and him asleep on the couch. This upset me because although I’ve always been more nurturing between the two of us (I work in healthcare), I always drop whatever I’m doing when he is sick, hurt or even stressed to make sure he is okay and do what I can to help him relax. I told him to go upstairs and he said that I was extremely rude for waking him up. I tried to explain that I only asked him because I’m in a lot of pain and I cant see very well and he just said its “just a headache and it doesn’t hurt enough that I can still yell at him”. I told him to go upstairs and I just tried to make my coffee in the dark and sip on it. I texted him apologizing for the angry choice of words I used but said that his lack of empathy concerns me, especially because that’s what a partner is for. Someone to help in sickness and in health. He said I was being toxic and selfish and that he’s never woken me up to ask for anything. I let it go and when I got to work I texted him around 9 am and asked if he was awake. He said yes and I asked if he would read through what he sent me just hoping it was him being grumpy and sleepy and he just said “i know what I said and I stand by it” I just didn’t respond and went to the ER for steroids for my migraine. I’m over talking about it with him because it honestly just makes me upset to see how uncaring he can be but I like reading AITA post and thought.

TIA

Also to mention I have free health care and where I live there is no urgent care or clinic. Just hospital and ER to get medication/treatment.

** Also I say yelled but I didn’t yell at him I just told him to go back upstairs**