This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/ohtthatsnice on 2023-09-26 07:23:11.

I posted this in AITAH but i was getting too many comments from men just telling me to chill out and “it was just a joke”.

I (34F) was watching episode 8 of the new season of Only Murders in the Building when my fiance (33M) came and sat down next to me on the couch. The actress who plays the police officer came into view and he immediately said “Damn, that’s a big bitch!”. I was in shock… He quickly noticed my shock and asked “which part are you mad about? Me saying she’s big or me calling her a bitch?” I said “Um…both. wtf? That was so misogynistic…” He started saying it wasn’t and how he was just quoting a movie but couldn’t remember which one. (I had to use context clues from how he was describing the movie and it turned out to be Shallow Hal i guess) He said “what’s the big deal… I’m saying it in the comfort of my own home”. I asked if he then thinks it would be okay for me to say the N word in the comfort of my own home (which for the record we are white and i would never do that) . He wouldnt answer yes or no, just went off on a tangent of how can you even compare what i said to that blah blah blah. Went on to yell at me to explain to him how what he said was misogynistic. I told him it’s never okay to comment on a woman’s weight or refer to her as a bitch so casually. It just bothered me. Am I reaching? He doesn’t think anyone else would agree with me and thinks it’s unfair to compare it to saying the N word (which I wasn’t exactly doing I was just using his logic to show him how messed up that sounded). Like he won’t even consider my concern and try to unlearn some bodyshaming/misogynistic tendency? I’m too frustrated to even explain to him why he should never comment on a woman’s body period. He is an adult with 2 daughters. DAE just feel like it’s not our job to teach our male partners why things they are doing are misogynistic especially when they get so defensive about it? Or do I need to chill out??

Just to clarify- I do realize I definitely shouldn’t have used that analogy because the two don’t compare…I was in a heated moment and wanted him to really see how messed up what he said was. I should’ve given a different example because I know nothing of what it feels like to be called the N word.