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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ill-Bumblebee-9984 on 2023-09-27 00:58:04.

Some back story: My late wife (33F) and I (39M) found out she had rare aggressive cancer 3 years before our son was born. She went through numerous surgeries and therapies. She was finally in remission after a year of hell.

We thought we were in the clear and we had been trying to have a baby before the cancer diagnosis. But the chemo destroyed her reproductive system. We had a friend that agreed to be a surrogate for us. We agreed to go for it since she had been cancer free for about a year with clean checkups. About 6 months into the pregnancy, her cancer returned. She started chemo and radiation but the cancer wasn’t responding and the chemo was wreaking havoc on her. Knocking her white blood cells down to nothing. We spent numerous days with her hospitalized after every chemo treatment.

My wife got to be a mom for 5 months. She was told she had 2 months to live and she passed a month later. During the last month when she was on hospice, her parents were taking care of our son off and on. More on than off since I was taking care of my wife. Hospice only shows up for a few days a week for about an hour at time so I took off work and took care of her.

After she passed, her parents would watch my son while I worked nights (typically 2 nights a week). We consistently had disagreements about his care. They wanted to take him out to eat all time and feed him greasy food at home. Whenever I gave them a restriction, it seemed that they would have a reason they didn’t do what I wanted or an interpretation that allowed them to do what they wanted to do.

I had to take a trip for work for a month overseas. I could have turned it down but it was a great opportunity to make a bit more money. I presented the trip to them and told them that I could absolutely turn it down. But it would help me and my son out a lot if I went. They agreed to watch him and told me that I should take the trip.

I had one stipulation before I left. That my son not be around my wife’s brother. Brief backstory: he has been to prison 3 times in the past for drugs, a convicted felon 13 times over. He was out and saying he was doing well and was clean and not dealing. 3 months before the trip left, he was arrested again and charged with another 12 felonies. Possession, intent to distribute, felony fleeing, and firearms charges.

They reluctantly agreed. Mother in law said it would be difficult if he wanted to come over but she would make it work.

When i return from the trip, I go to pick my son up and learn that not only did they not keep wife’s brother away from my son, they allowed him and his girlfriend to move into their camper parked on the side of the house. They all had dinner together every night and went out to eat.

I had talked to them several times while on the trip and neither of them ever told me that was happening. Her reason was that she knew that I would be mad and she didn’t want me to ruin the work trip by trying to come back early.