This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/MeowieCatty on 2023-09-27 08:46:48.
Idk, I am feeling hurt and upset right now and idk when this feeling will go away. I (24f) have been friends with a guy (26m) for 10 years now. He lives across the continent, I am Canadian, and he is American for context. He told me when I was 14 that he had a huge crush on me. I let him know that I thought he was a great guy, but I was not interested in him that way. He was sad, but backed off for a few months
Once he got a decent paying job, he started sending me gifts. I let him know while I appreciated the gifts, I was still not interested in him romantically and did not need anything more. I valued him as a friend, but was still not interested in anything beyond that, and did not see a future where I would be interested.
He ended up coming to visit in 2019. He really tried to win me over on that trip. He bought me gifts and would butt ahead to pay for things before I could. I told him I didn’t need gifts and could pay for my own things. I did not want to lead him on and was not interested in anything beyond friendship. I was frustrated with him as he was sad about that and seemed to still be trying to win me, but he went home shortly after.
After his trip he got a girlfriend. He told me he was in love, wanted to get married, and have a life together. They had been dating over a year at this point. I was happy he found someone and happy he moved on. We have a larger friend group, and I had stepped back from most of the discord servers and group game nights he was in. I was glad I could play with the group as a whole without leading him on. I was happy I could be his friend without feeling like somehow basic kindness was leading him on. He is very close friends with one of my brothers, and wanted to introduce her to us, so he started planning a trip. I was ok with this as he had a gf who he claimed to be madly in love with.
About 6 months ago I told him I was bi. He at first was super chill, then asked if I was interested joining his relationship. His gf was pan and poly, but willing to be mono for her partner if they wanted mono. I said no, I was not interested in a relationship, nor was I poly. The idea of a threesome was floated as sex can just be fun and no relationship attached. I said no. I did not want any form of intimate relationship. A little while later he mentioned him and his gf having relationship issues as she really wanted to experience being with a woman and was interested in me, and it could make their relationship stronger if we had a threesome or me and her hooked up. I said hard no to the threesome, I did not want to have sex with him. I also said no to sex with her as I do not feel comfortable sleeping with his gf, or anyone’s gf. I told him again I do not want any type of romantic or intimate relationship.
The two of them broke up. He said it was her commitment issues and her wanting to be with a girl. She was dating a man a month after she moved out from his place.he booked a trip to visit and asked if he could have a date with me. I said no. He kept asking for a date. I said no. He started showering me with gifts. I said no. He told a bunch of mutual friends I wanted the bf experience without actually dating him. I told him no again and that I was pissed after I told him no for a decade he still thought I was interested in him, and now I have been slandered to the point some mutual friends are calling me a bitch and saying I’m using him. I stopped replying to anything private and only talked to him in public group chats. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable being around him if he was going to constantly objectify and then throw a fit when I don’t decide to date him. That was the last one on one convo we had. He messaged my Mom after and asked if she knew why his best friend (me) just ghosted him while he was struggling. She told him the fact he still couldn’t get over me was overwhelming. I had a right to say no, and he needed to respect me. I needed space from him as I was feeling harassed and objectified, and he was making me feel attacked whenever he brought up a relationship.
He decided to still come visit for 2 weeks. He made a comment the week he was leaving for our city about how one of my guy friends tried to steal the last two girls he talked to after his breakup and now was chatting me up. I told him I was allowed to have guy friends and that he is allowed to talk to me and the other women in the friend groups. He then later made a comment about how once he was here I would be batting my eyelashes at him and flirting. I said no. I was not fucking interested in him. I would not be fucking flirting with him. If he tried this shit in person I would just not see him. I was pissed and reemed him out, and left the group call as he was defending himself and asking if I was ok and why I was lashing out.
He got here, and for the first couple of hours was fine. I always had my Dad or brother near me. When we got home he instantly started flirting and telling me how beautiful I was. I froze up, my Dad changed the topic and deflected for me. After that I finished the evening plans I had with him and my brothers, then decided to be true to my word and refuse to speak to him or see him again during his trip. I muted him on all socials. He managed to find my reddit by remembering posts I mentioned enjoying, and finding the common commenter. So I blocked him here. I told one of my brothers everything he said, my other brother asked not to know details as he didn’t want to lose a whole friend group over my drama. Now I’m at a loss. I either drop out of that friend group with no explanation, tell them the truth that one of their close inner circle friends is at this point harassing me and let it blow up, which would piss off one of my brothers, or deal with being around him and just let myself be objectified.
I am so done with guys. He gets so angry about “nice guys” too. How can he not see he is doing that to me? Does he see and just not care? Why did it take me so long to figure out I didn’t deserve to be harassed?