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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/catchawaythrowclose1 on 2023-09-27 20:27:42.

I’m 40 (F), and my husband is 38 (M) and we have two toddlers. I work full time and then some. He has a small inheritance that he initially kept secret. After going through therapy, he finally admitted it’s about $100,000 plus a classic car worth $60,000. His attitude towards money has always been “my money is my money, your money is our money,” which has frustrated me, and I regret not establishing clearer boundaries from the beginning.

In his 20s, he earned a degree in Film Studies but hasn’t pursued a meaningful career. He’s always had a more laid-back, hippie-like lifestyle, enjoying music, tattoos, and spending time with friends. In contrast, I grew up in poverty and have always prioritized working and making money.

I work full time plus a side job 10 hours a week and he has taken care of the kids. I’ve set some boundaries, such as asking him to contribute to the mortgage, and he went to his grandmother who has been covering his share (about 20% of the mortgage).

I’m feeling increasingly exhausted from working all week and picking up extra shifts on weekends to support our family. After being together for four years and now married, I insisted that he choose a career. He’s finally decided to go to grad school to become a teacher, which I’m happy about. However, I’m also frustrated that his future salary, after childcare costs, will only add about $10,000 to our finances. I had hoped he would choose a higher-paying career to help with our bills.

He has a sentimental classic car inherited from his grandfather, worth approximately $60,000. I previously suggested selling it to invest in an income property, which he perceived as an attempt to take his inheritance. He becomes defensive and closes off whenever I bring up the car and his inheritance.

Our financial conversations have always been challenging, and when I attempt to set boundaries, he dips into his savings to cover expenses instead of discussing budget adjustments. He’s made statements like “my friends think it’s ridiculous that you want me to pay for things,” and he’s accused me of being the cause of my stress due to my spending habits.

Recently, during an argument, I expressed my frustration, calling it childish for him to have his grandmother pay his “rent” at 38 years old. He retorted by reminding me that I didn’t object to cashing those checks. In response, I told him that starting next month, he would be responsible for half of the bills, regardless of his school status. I assured him that I wouldn’t ask him to do laundry or cooking, and I’d take care of the kids half the time (we currently have a nanny while he’s in school). I feel this arrangement would make everything completely equal. He claimed he couldn’t afford it, to which I replied that I didn’t care and threatened to initiate divorce proceedings if he refused to contribute.

AITA for setting this hard boundary with my husband and requesting him to pay for half of the bills?