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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/StrengthB4Weakness on 2023-09-30 15:56:18.

Okay, this is going to be long and I’m sorry but there’s a fair bit of background involved. I’m also feeling pretty very weirded out and uncomfortable by what’s happened and I need some unbiased opinions.

I (36F) have a (mostly) good group of friends, we’ll hang as a big group, or sometimes smaller groups, one on one etc. depending on the activity. I love hiking, another in the group, let’s call him Jim (50M), also loves hiking and we would occasionally go together. Around January Jim started being weird and distant with me, I tried to reach out and got nothing back. In March he finally agreed to talk and said he felt he was ‘losing me’ because I’d started seeing another friend in the group, let’s call him Fred (30M). I said that was ridiculous and I was always still available to all my friends, and would never drop people just because of a guy. He apologised (sort of) and I thought this had sorted it.

I was wrong and Jim continued to be distant despite multiple attempts at communication. I then found out he was being like this with other people in the group, which made me feel better because I figured it wasn’t about our friendship. Eventually most of us gave up trying with Jim because we’ve all been alive long enough to know when someone wants to be left alone. We figured he’d come back if / when he wanted.

Last night a bunch of us went out and Jim joined us, having reached out to another member of the group saying he’d messed up and felt bad for how he’d acted. Fine, no problem, we’re happy to welcome people back. Me being who I am, I made a comment about the lack of communication over the past few months. Jim got defensive and basically made out it was my fault the friendship was gone. This pissed me off and I told him he was the reason he’d ‘lost me’ as a friend since he never responded to any of my messages. He argued I’d been focusing all my energy on Fred, which was bullshit and all our mutual friends agreed since I spent so much time with them while also dating Fred. I also pointed out Fred and I were no longer dating and hadn’t been since July, so what was his excuse for no contact since then? And he replied that he figured I was probably moping over Fred. This pissed me off again, not because it wasn’t true, but because it seems he doesn’t want to hang out with me unless I’m happy and single???

He again tried to make out it was all my fault and I was tired by this point so said ‘whatever’ which caused him to storm off. I don’t like leaving things negatively so I followed. I told him I valued the friendship but he’s making out like everything was my fault, which just isn’t true, and if he thinks I’m someone who ditches heir friends for a guy then he doesn’t know me at all. His response was to grab my face kiss me (3 seconds at the longest) and pull me into a hug. I was so shocked I did nothing.

He then said ‘can you stop being an idiot’ and I responded by saying he was the one being an idiot. The conversation went back and forth with him still trying to put all blame on me and me trying to explain how I didn’t do anything wrong. In the end, I agreed we were both at fault (I’m still not sure I agree with that) and I went home. On my way I called another friend (40M) and explained what happened and said I felt really uncomfortable about the kiss and I didn’t understand why Jim did it. The friend said it was probably Jim’s way of apologising and wanting to move on from it all but I said it was incredibly inappropriate. He agreed and told me to try and not worry about it.

Except I am worrying about it, because it was incredibly weird and inappropriate and I wish looking back I’d called him out on it but I was so shocked and weirded out I just sort of ignored it. So am I right that it was super weird and inappropriate? Or is my friend right that it was a weird apology thing? Honestly I’m feeling so drained from this whole thing and I just feel like I need some other thoughts on the situation.

And sorry again for how long this is.