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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/waterlust87 on 2023-10-01 06:32:43.

Recently my (36F) self-described feminist partner (33M) of 1.5 years has suddenly become defensive whenever we discuss anything feminism related that is slightly nuanced. He sends me social media content and asks questions that seem to be trying to poke holes in feminist theory, and expressing doubt when I’ve told him about sexist micro aggressions I’ve experienced recently (eg mansplaining type incidents, he says “yeah you were condescended to but how do you know it was because of gender?”). These conversations have escalated into arguments where he is angry and defensive and I am in tears because I feel like I am defending my humanity. I think at the root of it all, he thinks that I’ve been indoctrinated/radicalized by the extensive feminist literature I’ve read. He said that when you think you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

I don’t know how to get him to understand that it’s been a lifetime of misogyny that radicalized me. I’ve had my achievements been minimized, been ignored, been dismissed, been humiliated, been assaulted, been fucking r*ped by men. My life experiences radicalized me. Feminism healed me by showing me that it wasn’t my fault. It gave me the context I needed to process my experiences and let go of the lifetime of shame and guilt that I held onto because of the things MEN did to ME. Feminism SAVED me.

I am so heartbroken that I’m in the position where I feel like it’s necessary to ask this question. But up until the past few weeks I would’ve told you we had an incredible relationship and bond. Now I’m honestly afraid I might need to walk away from this because I don’t trust him to fully understand me as a human being and to love me the way I need to be loved.

Any advice? I’d really really like to think I don’t have to end this. I want to build a life with him.