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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Nickel03 on 2023-10-01 16:40:58.

I (35F) and my husband (36M) have been together for 8 years, married 3 years and have a new baby together. I’m only 4 months postpartum, and I’ve been having a lot of pain during/after sex, so I told my husband I no longer want to have sex if it’s painful for me, because obviously I’m not fully healed. It isn’t enjoyable, and I then have pain for the rest of the day while caring for our baby. But he will not stop bringing up the lack of sex and how it’s making him miserable. He now wants a blow job a couple of times a week. I just started pelvic floor physiotherapy, so hopefully that’ll help, but I had a stage 2 tear and I’m pretty sure my bladder is slightly prolapsed.

A little back story, I have a low sex drive and he has always been the initiator when it comes to sex. I probably initiate 2 times a year. Before baby, we probably had sex 2-3 times a week. More than I would really want, but I compromised because he would probably want more than that (and we were trying to get pregnant). He has not always taken my “no” to sex seriously and sometimes would keep pestering me and I regrettably did give in many times. Or if I said things like “why do you want to have sex with someone who isn’t interested” he would say that I made him feel bad, or like he was a bad person.

We didn’t have sex for 8 weeks after the baby was born, and I had covid during that time, so there was a 10 day stretch of me staying in my room and only coming out to feed the baby. He complained about lack of sleep then, but doesn’t seem to understand that I haven’t slept a good night since the baby was born. He often sleeps in a different room, so it’s just me up multiple times in the night feeding/changing the baby. The tiredness and the lack of alone time (baby constantly around me) has made me want sex even less than before.

I guess I’m just wondering how can I make him understand where I am? Also, he rarely hugs me/cuddles, even though I say that’s what I need without any sex being initiated or expected. He has said in the past this is difficult for him because it makes him horny. We had a big argument the other day that resulted in me saying “what if I posted our situation in reddit, how do you think people would respond” to which he said he doesn’t give a “f*ck” about reddit or what my family thinks, which really upset me. I just don’t know how to go forward with this. Every day he says I need to get this physio figured out so we can have sex again and how he is so horny all the time. He literally masterbated and not 2 hours later was saying that again. It’s really frustrating and pissing me off.