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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/britcassy on 2023-10-01 17:34:35.

I’ve seen a few posts related to similar wedding situations but none with twins so wanted to ask.

My fiancé recently surprised me with a proposal on a trip in Iceland (Sept 2023). I said yes and we excitedly started discussing wedding visions. It’s important to mention my twin messaged me a seemingly random date for Aug 2024 while I was on vacation. When I questioned it she simply said “my wedding” This exchange of messages took place before my fiancé proposed to me.

After our trip, we attended a dinner at my parents house with family, my twin, and her fiancé in attendance. She got engaged Sept 2022. Over dinner everyone was curious on when we were planning on getting married so we honestly answered “maybe July 2024” I will also say before our response together, I jokingly said “Aug 1 2024” and everyone laughed including her fiancé. I did explain it was a joke afterwards just to make sure everyone knew I wasn’t serious.

My fiancé actually picked the time of year himself. When he explained all his reasonings I agreed we could look for dates in July. Later that week I had a call with my twin and she brought up the joke date asking if I was serious. I explained no it was a joke. She asked if we were serious about July to which I told her yes. She told me my fiancé and I were being disrespectful and she expected an apology from him for choosing that time of year because we knew she already had a set date in Aug. I explained we did not pick that time of year with any intentions of hurting her feelings or being malicious or evil. She did not care. The phone call ended after she explained she could not put into words correctly how she felt and she would contact me later.

She never reached out so I waited until the next day to call and talk to her. I asked if she’d had time to figure out the right words so I could understand how she felt. She told me she didn’t need to explain anything because she’d already told me she felt disrespected. The call then devolved to her basically screaming and yelling at me. She requested that I not talk to her about wedding related things until I have a set date and venue with a deposit put down.

The basic message I got from her is she does not want me to get married before her even if it’s only by a month. Other than that it is very hard to get her to clearly communicate exactly how she feels or what she means by what she has said.

There are other conversations that took place between the dinner and the last phone call with her but I feel I have included the most important information.

One of my fiancé’s reasons for that time of year are specific to a family member’s health. I did not tell my sister this as I did not feel it was my place. Since then my fiancé has had a discussion with her fiancé and disclosed that information.