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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DingosAreMean on 2023-10-01 18:54:58.

To give some background. I have 3 kids. A 12 year old boy. A 9 year old boy. A 6 year old girl. I also have a 17 year old stepson that moved in with us when he started high school. I am Jewish, my husband is agnostic but was raised Jehovah’s Witness, and my stepson is agnostic. We are raising the 3 kids we have together in the Jewish faith.

My husband and his sisters have a complicated relationship with religion. They were raised JWs until my husband was 11. His mom died a few years before that and his dad ended up leaving the church. They went to a nondenominational Christian church after that. My husband’s younger sister has a 15 year old daughter, who I will refer to as Kayla from now on.

Kayla is a great kid. She is big on social justice issues and dreams of being a civil rights attorney. She is always striving to educate people on issues. We have had great conversations about race (my husband and his family are black) and sexuality (she is pansexual). The issue of religion is a big one though. She has openly told me she thinks it is gross that I am raising our younger kids with religion and that I still celebrate around my stepson, even though he isn’t Jewish. FWIW, my stepson says he doesn’t care about religion and likes being included in our celebrations. We also celebrate traditional Christian holidays like Christmas because my husband and stepson love Christmas. After I sent out invites to my son’s bar mitzvah she made a social media post about how religion is nothing but brainwashing kids and how she can’t wait to see religion eradicated. I said something to her about it and she followed that up by making another post about how religious people are always trying to quiet everyone else and how she will never be silent in the face of the oppressor. I told my husband that if shs feels this way about me then I really don’t want her at a religious celebration. I only mentioned it to my husband and our best friends so far and my husband is upset that I am trying to exclude her. I feel like she clearly does not respect religion and therefore should not come to a religious ceremony. I haven’t said anything to her yet. Should I or would that be an asshole move?

Edit: thanks fir the comments. I decided that I will have a talk with Kayla on being respectful at the bar mitzvah. If she feels like she won’t be able to keep her religious opinions to herself then she should she stay home because we want this to be fun. If she feels like she can be quiet about it then she should come because we would love to celebrate with her.